The Vanilla Cupcake Villain

“He licks the top of the salt shakers. Watch him, he’s doing it now.”

“What?” Katy spun around, certain that Cassie had to be joking but sure enough, there he was. Pete Livingstone, the emaciated and grimy cook, was busily licking each of the saltshakers as he lifted them, one by one, from a tray and set them out ready for service.

“Ugh, how revolting. How long has he been doing that?”

“About as long as he’s been going to the bathroom and not washing his hands,” Cassie said, screwing up her nose as they watched Peter lick the final salt shaker before returning to his post at the baked goods bench.

“I’m going to confront him. Someone has to stop him.” Katy tucked her order pad into the front of her apron and went to march across the kitchen to give Peter his pedigree.

“No,” Cassie hissed as she snatched hold of the back of Katy’s shirt, halting her indignant step midstride. “I don’t trust him. He’s in all the managers’ back pockets and I have no doubt that he won’t hesitate to tattle on us if we get on the wrong side of him. We both need this job, Katy.”

Katy dropped her hands helplessly down by her sides. “We have to do something.”

“I’ll see you at the break. We’ll talk about it then.” Cassie threw her one last warning glance before picking up a tray of meals and sashaying out to the restaurant.

***

“He is disgusting. I saw him picking his nose just before he began cutting the tomatoes for the salad this morning. Didn’t wash his hands, didn’t pull on a pair of gloves, nothing. We can’t keep letting him get away with it.” Katy pushed herself up off the upturned bread crate she’d been perching on while Cassie took her smoke break in the alley behind the restaurant. “I’m going to go and find Mr. Leroy right now and tell him.”

Cassie scoffed as she stooped to stub her cigarette out on the filthy, gum-spotted asphalt. “He won’t listen to you. He thinks the sun shines out of Peter’s butt crack.”

“There has to be something we can do. He’s going to poison the customers with his awful lack of hygiene and his complete unawareness of kitchen health and safety. I hate working in the same space as him. My skin crawls if he even glances in my direction and I’m sure he’s turning Mr. Leroy against us. There’s something villainous and underhand about the man, even if we could manage to overlook his grubbiness.”

“I know,” Cassie said glumly as she led the way back through the Exit Only door. “But I don’t think there is a whole lot we can do about it, other than find ourselves another job.”

Two Years Later

Katy tossed a sofa cushion at Cassie, who was sitting on the sofa with her head thrown back, her eyes closed, and her mouth hanging open. “Wake up, sleepyhead! It’s only 7.30! You can’t fall asleep now – you’ll be awake half the night.”

“W-what?” Cassie struggled to sit upright and peered at Katy, her eyes red-rimmed and bleary. “I’m exhausted. I’ve been double-shifting all week and it’s taking its toll.”

“I don’t care. You still can’t fall asleep at 7.30,” Katy said firmly. She picked up the remote control and aimed it at the TV. “We’ll watch a movie. That’ll keep you awake until at least 9, which isn’t quite so bad.” She watched as the TV flickered into life just as a commercial began. She was about to get up to go to the kitchen in search of a snack when a familiar face caught her eye. She stopped, frozen in time and space as their days spent working for Mr. Leroy came flooding back. “Cassie,” she whispered, her voice hoarse and unsteady as she struggled to make sense of what she was seeing. “Look. It’s Peter Livingstone. The wretch who got us both sacked from Leroy’s Restaurant.”

Both girls stared at the television screen in horror as Peter faced the camera and cheerfully announced that he, Cupcakes & Cinnamon Buns’ renowned and award-winning pastry chef, was the host of the upcoming reality show Cupcake Bake Off. He urged viewers to enter at the address posted below, smiling crookedly as he explained that the winner would receive $50,000 in prize money and achieve nationwide notoriety as a Cupcake Master Baker.

The commercial ended and the movie began unnoticed as a speechless Katy and Cassie stared at each other. It was Katy who spoke first, forcing her words out between suddenly dry lips. “Oh my gawd. Peter Livingstone is the pastry chef at Cupcakes & Cinnamon Buns! I feel sick. I ate there last week with Jennifer. I can’t believe I actually ate something that the horrendous Peter Livingstone baked with his bare hands.” She doubled over, holding her hands across her stomach and trying not to retch.

“He might have improved his hygiene habits,” Cassie said uncertainly. “We left the restaurant two years ago and he’s clearly gone on to bigger and better things since then. From the looks of it, he’s put on weight and his hair isn’t as greasy as it once was. He couldn’t have made it to the position of a TV show baking host if he was all that bad in the kitchen, could he?”

Katy was still shaking her head and clutching her belly. “Who knows? You once told me that our employer thought the sun shone out of his bum. He has that smarmy way about him; he can pull people in and trap them under his spell. He must’ve done something right. Cupcakes & Cinnamon Buns is famous. People line up at the door. Even that British chef with a fondness for f-words featured it on his Roaming Restaurants TV show, although I never realized until now that Peter Livingston was the man behind it.” She gave an involuntary shudder. “Ugh, it doesn’t bear thinking about.”

“Who could’ve ever predicted it? Filthy Peter Livingstone is now a highly esteemed cupcake villain, errrr, chef. How has he come so far while we’re still stuck waitressing?”

“I have no idea,” Katy said miserably. “All I can see is him with his finger up his nose as he cut tomatoes into slices for the buffet salad.”

“All I can see is him sucking up to the managers and telling lies about us.” Cassie stared morosely into the middle distance before perking up again. “You should enter. The Bake Off, I mean.”

“What? Yuck, Cassie. I’m not interested in going anywhere near Putrid Pete.”

“No, you should.” Cassie sat forward, her eyes gleaming with excitement. “Imagine showing him up on national TV! You could be the one who finally puts a stop to his unhygienic, lying rampage.”

“How?”

“You could catch him out doing something disgusting during the show and point it out to the TV cameras. Make a big fuss and draw attention to him. You know, just be you.”

Katy frowned, not quite sure what Cassie meant by that last comment, but her friend continued merrily on. “This is our big chance. You have to do it.”

“Our big chance? Why do I have to be the one to do it if it’s our big chance?”

“Kate.” Cassie gave her that patronising look that she seemed to have perfected of late. “I don’t have time. I just told you I’m double-shifting.”

“I can’t. We didn’t jot down the application address.” Katy was grabbing at straws now and she knew that Cassie knew it too.

“I got it. candidates@bakeoff.com. Grab your laptop and you can apply right away.”

***

Katy tied on her apron with shaking hands. The entrants had been briefed on what to expect when the cameras started rolling, she had her cupcake recipe down pat, and she knew she looked good with her new short, red hair and green contact lenses. She and Cassie had danced around the living room in great excitement when she received the email to tell her she’d passed the screening test, but their excitement had quickly deflated when they realized that Peter would recognize her as soon as he set eyes on her. A quick trip to the hairdressers, a temporary dye job, and new contacts had transformed her completely and even Cassie said she’d have trouble recognizing her if she met her in the street.

The production manager stood at the front of the set with her glasses pushed up into her hair and her hands permanently held out in front of her chest as if she was expecting to stop a speeding train at any moment. “We go to air in 2 minutes. This is live, people. We had the run through earlier, you all know the script, and I’m not expecting any unplanned incidents unless they’re hilariously funny or emotional and can improve the ratings. Is everyone clear on that?”

A chorus of ‘yips’ went up from the four contestants but Katy thought it was a moot point. What else were they supposed to do so close to the moment of action? She glanced over at Peter, who had finally made his appearance surrounded by a fawning group of makeup artists and wardrobe mistresses. He peered haughtily over their heads as they fussed around him, running his eye over his team of contestants without much interest. Katy kept her eyes down, afraid to meet his gaze. She wasn’t too worried that he might recognize her, it was more the thought that her lip might involuntarily curl when his eyes settled on her face.

The production manager raised her train-stopping hands in the air. “3, 2, 1 – Action!”

Peter slid into the middle of the floor and leered into the camera. He welcomed the viewing audience and announced that the theme of today’s show was to be Vanilla Cupcakes with variations as chosen by each entrant. The camera panned slowly over the row of contestants as a disembodied voice introduced each one. Katy bared her teeth at the camera when it reached her, although she was shaking all over and she would’ve been more than happy to abandon her post and run out the door right then and there.

“Contestants, you have three minutes to assemble your ingredients. Go!” Peter clapped his hands together and the contestants scampered towards the well-stocked pantry at one side of the set. Katy stepped around Mandy, one of the other contestants, and lunged for a bag of flour, a container of sugar, some eggs, butter, vanilla, raising agent, and a packet of raisins. Her cupcakes were good, she knew that, but she did not intend to stay around until the end of the show. She was here to reveal Peter Livingstone’s unsavoury habits to the TV viewing world and then she’d be gone.

Her first opportunity came as she mixed her batter. Peter hovered along the row of benches, commenting on each contestant’s progress as he went. He reached her bench and sniffed as he watched her stir the batter. Katy glanced at the cameras, making sure the lens was fixed upon them. She subtlety tipped the bowl of batter towards Peter, certain that he’d be unable to resist the creamy goodness. Sure enough, he surreptitiously whipped out a long finger and quickly scooped it across the surface of the batter before shoving it in his mouth.

“Oh! Mr. Livingstone, I don’t think you’re supposed to stick your finger into the cupcake mix.” Katy said it loudly and sweetly, batting her eyelashes at the camera as if butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth. Peter glowered at her but said nothing before moving on to the next contestant.

She had her next chance as she was laying out the silver foil cupcake cases on the oven tray. Peter swooped in, his eyes on the open packet of raisins, and he quickly spidered his hand inside. Katy coughed loudly, attracting the attention of the cameraman who zoomed in just as Peter tipped the dried currants into his mouth. Peter glared at her again, muttering that she really should do something about that cough, before moving on.

As she pulled her tray of golden, fragrant cupcakes from the oven, Peter appeared by her side. His eyes goggled at the sight of the soft, domed tops and Katy hid her smile. He’d never been able to resist a freshly baked cupcake. He snaked out a hand to steal a pinch from the side of one of the cupcakes as Katy pretended to trip over a lose cable. “Oh! Peter! Mind that you keep your hands away from the hot cupcakes! I nearly burned you with the tray. Fingers away, as my mother always said.”

The cameraman swung his camera around, just in time to catch Peter’s guilty face as he backed off. Katy aimed another sweet smile into the lens and sat the tray down on her benchtop.

Peter avoided her for a while after that, as she tidied her workspace and began to make her frosting while her cupcakes cooled. She could hear him talking to the other contestants, and she even caught sight of him breaking off the side of one of Mandy’s unattended cupcakes and shovelling it into his mouth but unfortunately, the camera missed it.

She was about to frost her first cupcake when Peter was suddenly there in front of her bench with his back strategically placed to the camera. He leaned over, keeping his voice low so that only she could hear it. “I know who you are. I thought you looked familiar. You’re Katy from Leroy’s. You have no chance of winning. I’ve already decided that Mandy will win, regardless of how shitty her cupcakes taste.”

Katy’s heart pounded but she kept her cool. “I don’t care. Winning the cupcake contest isn’t the reason I’m here.” She swirled her wooden spoon vigorously around the sea of vanilla frosting, releasing the sweet scent for the benefit of Peter’s hairy nostrils. “Smell that? You never could get enough of my vanilla frosting. You used to order me to make it then take the credit for yourself.”

He sneered at her as he hooked one finger into a scoop shape and aimed it at the bowl. “You always did think too highly of yourself. Regardless of how good your frosting is, I’m going to tell everyone during the tasting that you added salt instead of sugar.” He plunged his greedy finger deep into the frosting and Katy opened her mouth to let out a scream loud enough to wake the dead before grabbing the remaining foil cases and upending them over his startled head. “Peter Livingstone has his dirty fingers in my frosting!”

The ensuing uproar was mildly pleasing, but Katy was more concerned with getting herself as far away from the set as possible. She whipped off her apron, dumped it on top of the bowl of frosting, and sped out the door, only vaguely aware of the astonished stares of the other contestants and the production manager’s voice as she shouted for everyone to remain calm.

Katy shoved open the door that led to the street, ploughing straight into Cassie’s arms. Cassie held her at arm’s length, her hands gripping her by the shoulders, and demanded to know what had happened.

“It worked. I caught him out. I made sure to call attention to him when he dipped his finger in the cupcake batter, I coughed loudly when he ate my raisins as I laid out the baking cases, and I pretended to trip as he broke off a piece of one of my just baked cupcakes. We were all told that he’d sample our goods at the end but oh no, good old Peter Livingstone had to jump the gun and put his grimy hands all over everything. Anyway, my fussing drew the cameramen’s attention towards us, ensuring the live audience at home saw it all. The piece de resistance was when I was making the frosting. He put his back to the camera and stuck his filthy digit right into the middle of the bowl after telling me he’d recognized me from Leroy’s. I screamed so loudly I even scared myself then I dumped the foil cases over his head. Everyone now knows he’s a dirty little grot. I did it, Cassie. Everyone has finally seen his true colours.” Katy was panting and laughing all at once, incredulous that she’d managed to pull it off.

Cassie started giggling, bending herself in half and convulsing with laughter. Katy stared at her friend with dismay, wondering if she’d finally gone mad right here on the street outside Starlight Studios. “Cassie? It isn’t that funny.”

Cassie staggered around, holding her sides while tears streamed down her face. She snorted as she tried to speak, her voice choked with laughter. “Katy, can’t you see what you just did? You foiled and burned the cupcake villain.”

The End