Lost Friend

I couldn’t believe it. I hurt her feelings, her trust, I push her away. Now, I am faced with the truth: the painful truth of my misunderstanding. Just a little patience, trust and a lack of quick judgement. I would have not done this wickedness. I am sad, scared: I just lost a precious relationship. I cannot forgive myself. Why? A question I have been asking myself, as fear to face her keeps rising.

It all started with an email. Someone sent me, a picture of my wife with another man: no kisses, no hugs, just a picture of them together, laughing. I pushed it off my mind, but my wife came late that night. Mistrust, a slow poison. I wish, I just discussed my mind with her. The next day another email, I started thinking hard about this. I was troubled at work, performance dropping, daydreams like never - before. It was hard.

I was struck, deep in the mud of mistrust. Every move, every call, every late night. It was hell. My mind, pounding hard to the rhythm played against my marriage. Slowly, every email was like a news feed, I was addicted to my suspicion. I was looking for ways to get more information. Remember, I said the email only sent me pictures: with no kisses, no hugs, just two people together.

A sad story. I got really pissed, when I got home. One hot afternoon, not just the weather but also at work. My boss was really annoyed, ranting, making everywhere uncomfortable. No one was perfect today, everyone was guilty of a crime. I got a big presentation preparation and he made me look like a fool. Worst day ever, then I got home to see my biggest fear: she was in the house with the guy – in the pictures.

I stared hard, my mouth disconnected – just hanging there – my fist clenched. I was angry. Why, would she do this? Why, here? My mind was racing, the heart was competing too. I was in the worst situation ever. Mistrust blocked my reasoning. I didn’t listen to anything she had to say: I wish I did. It is my fault, I must accept that. The painful truth came out several days after I had given her a divorce letter. The emails were tracked, and I finally understood. I was played. He played me, to get my wife and I lost.

Tears, they can’t correct the mistake. Sitting in the lonely house. I decided: to go and ask for forgiveness. She might reject me, but it’s the cross I must bear.

She finally accepted we meet, after two days of begging. My ego was crushed. I hate doing things like this. We met a café, some blocks from where she now lives. Five minutes of awkward silence, two more just staring: I was low on words. I finally just blurted out, “I am sorry.”

She just laughed, still looking at me. It was disgusting, but I had to get her back.

“How hard … can that be?”

“You never listened.” She continued with tears in her voice.

“Just … I don’t …” She stammered, trying to use her hands to express herself.

Then another dose of awkward silence “You are such a bastard, but I … love you.”

Then the tears came racing down, I took her into my arms: as I cried also.