Scene 6

Lights up on ROBIN and TYLER and DAN. The kids sit in chairs facing a whiteboard, while DAN paces intensely back and forth around the room. When he speaks, it’s loudly and with a very, very slight southern accent.

DAN Alright, kids, welcome to group. My name is Dan, and some of you might already know me. stares pointedly at TYLER Well, before I get started, there are a few things that you should know. For instance, I wasn’t always a counselor. I’ve been in and out of places like these until I was 27. I got here for all the same reasons as you have. Drugs, alcohol, self harm, depression, suicide attempts, bipolar, ADHD, ADD, you name it, I’ve done it. Now. When I was 27, my life was turned around by a guy named a-hole Dave. But I’ll get to more of that later. Let’s get started. You should also know, sometimes I swear, and I talk loudly. I know that I talk loudly, and it is because I am deaf in one ear, got it? glares at everyone in the room for a minute Also. With your teachers back home, you may have been able to get away with distracting the teacher by making them tell their life story or go on some tangent. Beat. That is me. I am that teacher. If you do so purposely, I’ll make you stay extra, got it? Good. Now, let’s actually get started. Today we’re going to talk about a little something called manipulation. Now, Tyler, will you pass out these blank pieces of paper to everyone, all two of you, so you can take some notes, please?

TYLER nods You got it.

DAN Oh, and the pencils too?

TYLER Sure.

DAN Thank you, sir. Now, you, Miss? May I ask who you are and what you did to get here?

ROBIN I’m Robin, my pronouns are they/them/theirs, and I tried to kill myself, but my… friend… saved me mumbles, hesitating at the word “friend”

DAN Oh, sorry. Not Miss then. Does Mx. work? Yeah? Awesome. My apologies. You know, I’m glad that your friend saved you.

ROBIN That makes one of us.

DAN I’m sorry to hear that. I do hope that you start to feel better here, you know.

ROBIN Thanks.

DAN You’re welcome. Now, back to business! Now, manipulation is ‘when I don’t get my way.’ It is what I do, how I react. Now, not all of these are manipulation, meaning that they’re not all negative, which is why I have a red pen and a green pen. Red is unhealthy, and green is healthy. Now, I don’t like the term ‘coping skills.’ Like, I used to use that all the time to get people like me now to shut up. Like, ‘what did you do to get better and make sure you don’t end up here again?’ ‘I used my coping skills!’ \ strikes a random pose, then stands normally, hand on hip, and rolls his eyes Listen, kids, it takes a conman to know a con, and believe me, I know all of them. So, we’re not going to use the term ‘coping skills.’ We’re going to call it a ‘fruit salad,’ for many reasons. One, fruit is good for you, so that’s even better. Two, no one likes everything in a fruit salad. Everyone has a favorite fruit, and some fruits are better for some people than they are for others. But just because you like one fruit doesn’t mean you get to stop eating all of the rest of the fruit in the bowl. No, you have to try again and again and again because tastes change, and people change. Get it? Also, I like fruit. Now, what are some things you do when you don’t get your way? Tyler, go.

TYLER Self harm.

DAN Self harm. Very good. I mean, not good. I mean, you know what I mean. This is one of the most common things I treat. Now, there are three parts to this. There’s ideation, thoughts of doing it; threats, when you threaten to do something; and there are actions, when you actually do it. Like it or not, everyone that self harms does all three of these. Either way, it’s not healthy. Next. Robin.

ROBIN Cry.

DAN Cry. Excellent. Now, I’m going to write that in both green and red. Do you know why I did that, Robin?

ROBIN No.

DAN I did that because crying can be healthy, or it can be unhealthy. It can be unhealthy, if you do what I like to call a ‘pity party.’ However, it can also be healthy, if you do it to get your emotions out and then get over it. If you can move on afterwards, it’s a hell of a lot healthier than if not. Next. Tyler.

TYLER Uhhhh… substance abuse.

DAN Very good. Substance abuse. Another of the most common things I treat. Let me tell you a story. When I was about 15, I tried pot for the first time, and let me tell you, it was one of the greatest feelings of my life. I was addicted for years. And you know who dragged me out of it? That’s right, A-hole Dave. But we’ll get to more of that story later. Next. Robin.

ROBIN Suicide.

DAN Suicide. Yet another of the most common things I treat. You know what? I’ve been where you’ve been. I wasn’t always a counselor, you know. See, I know what it’s like. I know what it’s like to feel hopeless and helpless and I know what it’s like to feel like all of this shit is piling up, more and more and more and suddenly, you’re overwhelmed and you can’t deal with it all and it feels like you’re the only person on the planet who feels this way and the only person who cares about yourself, and you don’t even know if that’s true either! Well, on those days, I want you to look back at all that crap and I want you to see my face staring back at you out of the middle of all of it because you know what? I care about you, damn it! He’s yelling by now, pacing back and forth intensely. I care! If you can’t stay alive for anyone else, not even yourself, then do it for me! Do it for me! And some days, we might be the only two people on this earth that care about you at all, but that’s two more than it could be. And you know what? Sometimes, I read the paper and I see that another one of you has committed suicide, and you know what? I cry. Yeah, I do. I cry. Because you know what? I wasn’t always a counselor. I know what it’s like to be where you’ve been. To be where they’ve been. And you know what? I know what it’s like to recover. To get better. After 27 years, it wasn’t easy. But it was simple. Questions? wipes away a tear that’s fallen down his face Let me tell you a story. The best counselor I ever had was the worst man I ever met. I called him ‘A-hole Dave,’ he was such a horrific person. Literally. Like, he was the most racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic man I ever knew. I can tell you right now that I voted for different people than him in our last election. I met him when I was 27, where I was practically dragged into the hospital kicking and screaming, and he sat me down and explained to me a little something called being willing to change. Now, how many of you have ever been told the whole “you won’t change until you want to!” thing because jeez. Of course you don’t want to change! That’s why you’re here! You’re here because you don’t want to change any of your bad behaviors, so that’s what ended you up here! Well, A-hole Dave knew that I’d been hearing that my whole life, so he told me a little something about being willing to change. Like, maybe for the life of you, you don’t want to change. But what’s important is to be willing and open to change. And you know why you should be? Yeah? Well, it’s because your way ain’t working! You’ve probably all heard the whole ‘take it one day at a time’ thing too, but here’s the crazy thing! It works! How do I know? Because it helped me, that’s how. A-hole Dave told me to try just one day completely sober, where I don’t drink anything at all, don’t smoke anything, none of that. And you know what? I tried it. And was I immediately cured and all better from all that shit in my life? No! It didn’t feel good! But here’s the thing: it didn’t feel bad either. For once in my life, I felt almost like a normal person, just for a little bit. So, I tried another day. And another. And next thing you know, I haven’t drank or done any drugs since I was 27! Was it easy? No. But it was simple.

Lights fade off as the lesson continues, into…

END SCENE 6