my heart

My heart beats so fast I can feel it loud in my throat.

My heart beats so fast I can feel it reverberating behind my eyes.

My heart beats so loudly it reaches the ends of my toes, the tips of my fingers, in between my legs.

My heart beats with such power like when the waves back home would meet with my fragile body, bringing me to my knees,

Resonating like the house shows we use to host in our living room; feet stomping against the bowing, wood floors to voices on and off beat.

It beats in remembrance for the love no longer there, of a man whom I gave my all.

It even still beats fast, remembering the faltering, relapsing, waning of that love lost.

It beats with realization that it will love like that again.

That it will healed,

Has begun healing,

Has made space for new.

My heart beats loudly for my sadness, like it did when you picked me up from the hospital downtown and I knelt at the base of a tree with sickness.

When you left me in the waiting room alone.

When you let go of my hand.

When our individual griefs manifested in toxic habits that created a distance never to be traversed.

It beats with an intensity not like that of many hands upon a drum, not like the clapping of thunder which lights up the sky.

But like that of a butterfly’s wings as it leaves its dusty husk behind,

Like the decimation of every trees pith with age and weight.

With the intensity of a child suckling from its mother with an insatiable thirst

Like the fluttering of a hummingbird, so quick; it’s almost entirely unseen.

It pumps, and breathes into my body with a love so supple and shy,

It would be a shame to go missed.

My heart beats not unlike the short lived bloom of the lily,

A vulnerable delight I bestow onto you fully,

Briefly, bravely. If only you are to catch it on que.