Farewell

I hate my life. I hate my childhood. I hate the people who raised me. I hate the situation I am in now. If it wasn't for the people who took me from my original family. Then maybe I would be happy. But that is not my life as much as I wish it was.

Now I stand here dealing with the consequences of my actions because of the people who shaped me into the monster that I am. I don't want to kill, but I don't have a choice. They made sure of it. Because the one time I made the choice not to kill someone, they killed you.

You are dead because of me.

You are dead because I couldn't kill the person they wanted me to kill.

You are dead because I wanted something different for my life.

You paid the price for my action, and I wish you didn't. I wish I could trade my life for your's. I wish I was the dead one because I hate myself for what happened to you. I've thought about ending my life to end the suffering. But I can't.

I can't because of the last gift you gave me. She looks just like you. I know I cannot make her an orphan. She already lost one parent; I can't bring myself to make her lose another. What kind of life would she have without me here to protect her. Would she have a childhood like mine.

This is the last time I will ever be able to visit you. I am taking our daughter and going into hiding for the rest of our lives. I hope this is for the best. But every time I think about that one choice, I doubt if I am making the right chioce. What if this is a bad choice? What if someone dies because of it? What if they kill my baby girl? But going into hiding is better than killing. I may always be looking over my shoulder, but at least our daughter will be safe.

Farewell. I will see you on the other side.