Unstable
I think it’s telling that the guy
who beats the shit out of himself
both mentally and physically,
the guy who used to be so happy,
the guy who’s now filled with
anger and negativity,
the guy who only wanted someone
reliable and stable in his life,
is considered unstable himself.
My existence is worth nothing.
I’m trying so fucking hard to focus,
to concentrate and make something of myself
rather than tear down what I’ve already worked for.
I’m trying so fucking hard, lady.
Put yourself in my shoes right now.
You came directly from the dirt.
Your father barely raised you,
and when he did, it was usually with
anger or a belt.
You move around the same city
six or seven times because payments are tough.
Mom’s car gets repossessed and it turns out
Maricela may or may not beat cancer.
You sell your body to older men
because you need gas money and
you gotta make repairs on the car.
I had someone who loved me before.
I made a mistake that I’ll have to live with
in letting her go.
I just thought, naively, that
you could be there.
That we could raise each other up and
reach new heights - together.
I’m trying Kayla. The ground underneath me
is shaking and crumbling.
I know I can get through this.
It’s a mindset.
I miss you.
I still love you.