How to find ‘The One’?

How do you find the one? Well, that is an interesting question, I must say.

In order to even begin to answer it, I will have to first establish a few assumptions about the nature of people; the first of which being that we are all capable of ‘true love’. The second assumption is much more depressing: being ‘in love’ and ‘loving’ are two completely separate things, the latter being the one that you should be looking for.

The third assumption that I will be making, is even worse than the last: people do not know how to be content with what they have.

Now let us really begin: what is this ‘true love’?

As a species, we seem to be enchanted by the idea of love: we ponder endlessly about the meaning of the word, and about the nature of this elusive emotion. Some deny it, some embrace it, some praise it in song, others dare only speak of it in hushed whispers.

No matter how we tried to suppress and ignore love with arranged marriage, enforced life-long monogamy, and the modern culture of sleeping around; we have failed to shield ourselves from love’s effects. Love always finds a way to creep into our hearts, no matter how hard we try to resist; and therefore I would argue that love is real.

We confuse Love with lust, with fancy, with interest, curiosity, maternal instinct and a great many other things. We try to rationalize, analyze and dissect it, however it is all for naught; for love is nothing more or less than the essence of our world of endless contradictions.

Love is both the greatest weapon and the greatest weakness of mankind. Love is useless and miraculous, painful and joyous, true and false.

More often than not, we seek to control and possess the things we love, just to keep us in their proximity; as if attempting to shield ourselves from the loss and heartbreak that are sure to come in the end. Men and women wail at the loss of their loved ones or in the face of romantic failure because they do not understand what love really is!

Love is its own reward. Love is the opportunity to give without receiving: to love and not be loved, to have faith when there is no hope, and to be happy without possessing a thing. True Love is an endless sacrifice that must be made willingly each day anew. True Love is in itself happiness and strength, for a man that loves is a man that burns with a brilliant flame that cannot be extinguished.

Love is a great dream, a great Want, and just like all the other things that come along with our consciousness; it is both a curse and a blessing. When searching for true love, one must seek misery and sacrifice, because that is the currency of true love.

It is better to love than to be loved. It is better to be lonely than ungrateful. It is better to have nothing than to be taking everything for granted. It is better to be unappreciated than cherished. It is better to be the one abandoned rather than the one who leaves, and yes - it is better to be in love and to suffer, than to be comfortable and indifferent.

Just as Vladimir Vysotsky wrote in his ‘Ballad of Love’ (translation from Russian by Dan Guralnik):

“Their work is hard on their relentless travels --

Love is a boundless, strict and ruthless land.

To prove that they are worthy of her marvels,

Her champions must give their toil and blood,

They must endure despair and longest partings,

Be robbed of sleep and rest, and live in doubt.”

Love is perhaps humanity’s greatest discovery, and greatest invention. It is the greatest truth as it is the most virtuous lie. The only question that matters when approaching the subject of love, is the position that we chose to take in relation to it: if one is prepared to suffer, to work hard and to sacrifice - the true worth of love will become apparent.

Love is only as true as we believe it to be, and as painful as we allow it to become. Love is our flame: it is both the wind in our sails, and the current that moves against us. Love is both nothing and everything, and in its contradictory nature it hides the truest beauty that there is.

Love is the force emitted by our souls; it is the eternal flame which our bodies were meant to host, and by which we are destined to perish.

And so back to the original question: how does one find ‘The One’?

In light of all that I said, my answer is pretty simple: find a person who’s presence awakens in you the will to sacrifice everything. Find the one who makes you want to be indebted to them. Find the one who’s sole existence is enough for you to want to chose the hard way, each and every day anew.