rise like a phoenix
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"Hope rises like a phoenix from the ashes of shattered dreams" --- S.A saches
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she drops on to her knees. the force keeping her going on is gone and her arm slacks at her sides. there’s an empty feeling in her chest she can’t name. her lungs are constricted, tight, the air around her suffocating. and she can’t breathe, can’t think. every time she tries, he takes over. his bright, ocean eyes. his laugh. his voice. his smell- all gone. she won’t be able to see him again. won’t able to wake up in the morning to sound of his breathing in her ear. and there’s a lump in her throat. something coiling around her throat, squeezing it with pressure. words clock up. and she can’t breathe, can’t think. she curls her fingers inwards and digs her nails into her skin, tearing into the flesh. trying and trying to get rid of this feeling, this horrible ache that settles in the bottom of her stomach. she blinks her eyes rapidly, tries to breathe. but as her chest heaves, she gags and chokes past her raw throat. and it aches.
why did you leave me?! why did you go?!
it’s war she knows that. there was a possibility he could’ve had- but he promised. held her hand with tender, held her eyes with determination and promised. and she can’t help the hot white rage that boils in her. she wants to grab his shoulders and scream at him. but she can’t. he’s gone. how dare you leave me behind?!
she hunches forward and punches her fists into the ground. the sharp edges stones and pieces of buildings scrape her skin, but it’s not enough. there’s so much rage in her. she punches and punches and punches till she can’t anymore. till her arms are aching, till she’s dead exhausted, tired.
her usually smooth long, scarlet red hair is messy, greasy each strand tangled in knots. there are scrapes and scratches on her skin. her clothes are torn, dirty. and she’s dirty, sweaty. her eyes are burning, tears streaming her cheeks. her teeth are chattering. her pupils are shaking. she’s trembling. her barely healed blade wound stomach has re-opened. and, and she wants to give up, give in. her home is gone, reduced to nothing. evan is gone. and they’re properly losing the war as well. a war she left, leaving people to die. so why should she not? with nothing left...
then,
something warm settles on her shoulders. magic pours into her. oxygen overflows her lungs. and it feels like she can feel finally breathe. she inhales fresh air. magic, heavy and throbbing with something majestic fills her with light and—
the trembling fades away
the pain fades away
and as her pupil start to focus, she turns and sees the dragon’s forehead is resting on her shoulder. its eyes are closed, its nostrils flaring as something breaths through them, flowing into her. and she can feel getting stronger, her magic restoring back to her. and she realises with bewilderment, it’s healing her.
when it’s done, the dragon picks itself up stands tall and she notices there’s something different about its eyes. there’re drops of cerulean sparkling in pools of dark blue.
and its tail sweeps like rich honey across the ground, then curls around her like a blanket. she is lifted into the air, dropped on its back. and she doesn’t have time to think, before the dragon moves. she has to grip it tightly at the sudden movement.
she can hear the crushing sound under its feet, as the world beneath the dragon turns to dust. as she sits on top of it. as she can see everything from this height. her destroyed home. can recognise each and everyone building, each and every one area. they weren’t the largest city in the kingdom. but. it was home. each part of her home destroyed— pieces of her soul broken, buried, shattered. and, and—
before, she can’t even think further, die a little more she feels another sudden shift in the dragon. like a rush of the ocean, the ripple of waves in her bones, magic rises. before, all she can only see is fierce reds, hot oranges and bright yellows. before, the world around her blazes up in flames. and she has to grip tighter.
she is about to cry, scream. what are you doing?! there’s no need to— before,
there’re fissures splitting the earth. thunder crackling. as her heart lurches as everything around her shifts.
(sometimes a thousand lies is enough to shatter her world and tore her from within but.—)
everything around her shifts. the thunder rises to a crescendo, as her world, her home, her city, pierces of her souls is surged from death to life.
(but sometimes one truth hidden in a thousand lies can mount her world from rumbles–)
the earth ignites with life.
(sometimes one truth hidden in a thousand lies can mount her world from rumbles, raise the dead)
and she grips tighter on the scales, grips harder. her knuckles are turning ghost white. her eyes are wide. she stares into its blue orbs as the dragon turns its head to her.
a moment, another.
a whisper_ a familiar voice. and she can feel the burn on her arms. hot. warm. so familiar, that she doesn’t whether to cry, scream or laugh.
she does all of them.
cahya, evan whispers in her mind.
(and cahya soars.)
as dawn bleeds into the night sky above her
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somewhere, amongst heartbeats, there’s raging fire. evan re-enters the world with a whisper
as the dragon vanishes into a wisp of air before her.