Enter At Your Own Risk

It is a prison

A madhouse

An asylum for the fiscally insane

Yet people flock to it in droves

With panting tongues

Drooling mouths

Hungry eyes

Greedy hands

Inside--artificial air

Sickly-sweet scents

Blinding banners

Dangerous dungeons

Look!

A shop where people deal with the devil

Trading their souls for a bit of precious metal

Guaranteed to win them a lifetime of bliss and happiness*

*NO refunds, NO returns, NO actual/literal/100% guarantees, NO payment for marriage counseling included.

Look!

A shop churning out toxic treats

Slowly poisoning the little ones

Whose parents are too tired and drugged to care*

*More money for us, suckers.

Look!

The chance to win $5,000*

*So long as you consent to five obnoxious phone calls per day, an endless stream of emails, and a lengthy survey in which we take all of your personal information and sell it to the federal government.

Look!

Greeting cards so personalized and well-crafted

So sweet and poignant

That you couldn't take the time to write one yourself*

*You lazy, entitled, thoughtless piece of trash.

Look!

A luscious-lipped model lounging on the wall

Beckoning you into her labyrinth 

Where you will leave with an empty wallet and arms full of frothy lace*

*Nothing sexier than looking like an 18th century doily.

The atmosphere is thick

With broken dreams and toddler meltdowns

High-pitched giggles and shallow conversations

Manic babbling and incoherent mumbling

Stale popcorn and windowless walls

Bloated teddy bears and bulgy-eyed stuffed animals

Grease stains, vomit, trash, and filth. 

At the end of the day the iron bars are lowered

Not to keep people in but to keep them out

Because we all know the horde of shuffling zombies will return the next day

Eager to start the torture all over again

Hooked by a temptation they can't resist

Welcome to the mall.