The Mispronunciation of “Judaism”

A firm reminder from the Jew lingo police: stop mispronouncing “Judaism” unless you’re referring to Judy Garland.

Even the mightiest of Jews have fallen victim to the painstaking abuse over the pronunciation of Judaism. Consider this post as an educational piece, as I’m here to provide some insight, wisdom, and a bit of history. And a plea: it’s pronounced JUDAH-ism.

My thirst for theological knowledge increases by the day. During my mission of spiritual enlightenment, I came across some rather interesting documentaries on the Gospels on Netflix. I figured I would begin with “the big one” (The Bible) and work my way around. Following the Bible, I then moved on to The Gospel of Luke, and I was excited as I’ve kickstarted whatever algorithm Netflix uses to encourage me to watch “like-minded” shows. After reviewing what they had offered, I concluded that Netflix is horribly misguided and is operated by heathens.

For example, under the category because you watched the Bible, Netflix suggested:

- some show about Trump and how he ruined the American dream.

- The Flash. Is it because the trailer has the keywords “believe in the impossible?”

- Supergirl (another superhero? Maybe Netflix are a bunch of atheists)

With the exception of Trump, Netflix is grouping Jesus with superheroes. Are they trying to imply Jesus was never real? Blasphemy! Do your history, Netflix. Jesus is more real than the superheroes you suggested. Otherwise, if you had paired up Jesus with the likes of Stan Lee, then all is forgiven. You have my blessing for a Stan Lee documentary.

Later, I came across The Secrets of Noah’s Ark, an interesting tale of archeologists that throughout history that have tried to piece together (pun intended) what went into the construction of the actual arc. I was a bit perplexed at the idea that some archeologists were reading off bits and pieces of various tablets, believed to be the “how-to” manual of constructing such entity, and they were interpreting them in different ways. This demonstrates that conflicting interpretations have the ability to create chaos. After all, I would hardly consider the new age arc as a reconstruction. The “how-to” manual is broken up into hundreds of pieces, and you’ve got old man eyes trying to decipher the tablet’s inscription. Even if it’s deciphered properly, can one really consider it as a “reimagining ” when you are using power tools to construct it in the first place?

I stopped watching halfway through. The persistent butchering of pronouncing Judaism is largely present. Ever since I read Judaism for Dummies, I’ve posted about this chaotic anomaly many times, and I find myself again having to correct the masses and make them see the error of their ways. Just like Jesus.

It’s pronounced JUDA-ism.....not JUDEE-ism.

JUDEE-ism is present in all its horrible vernacular throughout the documentary. I turned it off, putting an end to my frustration. From there I vowed to correct any and all wrongdoings. I will be like that pesky gnat in the social media realm and correct those who cannot be bothered with the correct pronunciation.

Naturally, Hollywood is too self-absorbed to educate their audiences properly. The proper pronunciation of Judaism may never see the light of day unless it is written in an actor’s contract for them to endorse and influence the masses accordingly. I tend to change channels anytime there is a Steven Spielberg interview approaching, as his persistent mispronunciation of Judaism is heavily flavored with great indolence. And by “great,” I mean he is obviously not ashamed to be wrong (Judeee-ism) on camera.... but he is wrong, as well as anyone else who pronounces it in this way.

Now would be a good time to get into practice. You’ll have the ability to wow! the crowd around the world with your newly acquired knowledge about Judaism and its linguistics. Rabbis will bow to the ground in your presence just because you’ve preserved the rich and ancient histories of our people! Pesach is approaching, where the Jews celebrate their freedom from Egyptian slavery.

To Steven Spielberg and all other Jews: TALK RIGHT and chant with me:

JEW DUH! JEW DUH! JEW DUH!

Now put them together: Jew-duh-ism.

Congratulations! You have achieved the absolute and correct pronunciation of Judaism. Go, and pass this great knowledge to one and all!

In conclusion, I realize that “Jew Duh” can take a very unflattering turn for the worse. If you do go that route, then it’s very telling of your characteristics, and karma is coming for you fast and hard. Don’t make this ugly, you heathens. Have fun and don’t be afraid to add some extra celebratory panache!

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Reposted from my blog, brokenpimphands.com

©JudieLynne, 2019

Image is a screenshot taken from the book, Judaism for Dummies Rabbit Ted Falcon, PhD and David Blatner

tags: #judaism #religion #linguistics