It’s okay, you don’t have to love me

Dear Diary,

From a young age I've known that it wasn't going to be easy to find somebody to love. Always being more interested in Skeletor than She-ra. Watching ThunderCats for the muscles and swords, a half euphamizism by the way. Yeah, I pretty much knew I was gay since the day I was born. That didn't translate well into my social interactions with other kids.

I'm pretty sure the rumor of cooties started with some gay boys that wanted an excuse to avoid girls and despite the mysoginistic undertones, I don't blame them. Apparently I'm handsome or something, the only reason I've grown to know this is the various confessions of love I've gotten from girls. What surprised me most is when I get a confession from my best friend. It was the second year of middle school, we were cloud watching when she turned to me and said.

"I know you're gay, but I love you," Ava stated casually.

Now, I freaked out. I haven't came out to anybody and despite knowing I never really thought about it because it's just a part of my life that was just there. So, I shot up from the grass, looked her dead in the eyes.

"Who else knows," I asked quickly.

"Pretty much anybody that cares enough about you to notice the ways you look at other men," Ava answered.

"Well, shit and thanks for being honest with your emotions, bro," I replied.

"No problem, but I swear if you steal any of my men I'll smack you," Ava stated.

"Don't doubt it," I replied.

But now I'm in college, with a fuck ton of educated men in the same dorm as me, and it's sexy af. I want to be Ash Ketchem, but instead of catching all of them I want to kiss all of them. Except my roommate, he's a dick. There he is right now, bitch. He's walking over here with that god damn glare on his face. NAKjnak~~~

"Jason! Give it back," I demanded harshly.

"Why do you still have a journal, if somebody finds this it's immediate blackmail," Jason warned. God damn bitch, thinking he knows what's good for me.

"Most of it is information I'm open about, so I don't see what the big deal is. So, if you'll hand it back, that would be great," I growled in response.

"Only after I see what insults you used for me today," Jason sighed with a shit eating grin plastered on his face, how I've kept myself from punching him is beyond me. He started skimming over my writing, like the criminal he is.

"You are such a nerd," Jason chuckled. My face softened from a glare to something more content, over my time living with him, I've come to learn his only redeeming quality is his laugh. Literally the only one. So what he cleans up his messes, and he can cook, and he helps me with homework when I need it, and he brings me along when he goes out with his friends, and so what he showers short enough there's always hot water for me? You know what fine! He's a great guy and I hate his guts for being perfect. This asshole is just too good at being a decent person.

I mean, come on! I'm the gay one! I'm supposed to be throwing house parties for new neighbors, give them candles when the power goes out, invite them inside for tea, and let them pet my puppy! That's my agenda, but he's so much better at it for no reason! And his girlfriend is the best, she's so frickin cool.

"Hey, how's your girlfriend," I asked suddenly. He looked confused for a second.

"Oh, I guess I forgot to tell you. We broke up a week ago, Mikaela's not my girlfriend anymore but she's doing well," Jason answered.

"... What," I asked after a moment of silence.

"We broke up," Jason repeated slowly to make sure I understood.

"Okay, but you haven't been sad at all," I replied confusion obvious.

"It was a mutual break up, we weren't working out the way we wanted. We're still friends though," Jason explained. I must have seemed like the lady doing the equations meme, because this is by far the craziest thing I've ever heard.

"Holy crap, this is the most lowkey breakup I've ever seen," I sighed in disbelief.

"I guess," Jason replied.

"Cool," I said.

"Yup," Jason replied. Only now did I notice Jason was writing something on multiple pages of my diary.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Quit it! That's mine to write without cortique," I snapped. He did one more mark and closed my book, handing it back to me.

"Your welcome," Jason said. He got up and grabbed a towel before walking into the bathroom. I grumble to myself, opening my book. Highlighted my words. I look through the diary to see what he did.

"I know... you... hate. me... buuut I. want... you to... know... I love you. It's okay. You don't have to. love me... back," I read outloud. The shower was running. My face is hot red. "Jason!"

"Yeah," Jason yelled back.

"That's a little gay bro," I stated jokingly.

"Well, I would hope so," Jason replied.