One hardy boy...

Probably I should say that when I think of my first love I always think of writing or perhaps reading.

Yeah. That's not true.

My first love was Shaun Cassidy in the Hardy Boys television mystery show that ran in the late 70's.

No, really it was, from afar of course. I was far too young to date Shaun Cassidy. My parents would have been dead set against that.

Still, I hung the posters on my wall. I even had a groovy pair of bell bottom jeans with his face airbrushed on the leg. So cool.

I suffered through the first half of the Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew television show whenever they opted to show Nancy Drew first. Pffft. "Bring on the boys," I'd say. He'd enter the frame finally, his big toothy smile catching me by surprise each time. I'd feel that little gasp of excitement. "This is love," I'd think to myself in the quiet of the dark as I went to bed that night, "I might marry him."

If love was merely this I'd fall in love seven times a day. It's so pleasant, so calm, so controlled and lovely. The kisses are as soft as the back of my hand. The touch like the pillow on my face. The dreams come in the waking hours, tangible and untangled. If this was love we'd all be whole no matter how it ended. Instead, first love with real flesh humans can be bitter and cruel in the wake of the soft kiss and tender words. "You want heartbreak?" I say to my kids sometimes, "Date when you're young."

It sounds callous. It is callous. I'm sorry. I'll try again-

Find your first love when it presents itself to you. Breathe it in. Delight in it. Let it go when it's ready and don't let it tear you from yourself. Dwell in the realization that Love may be a mystery you cannot solve in one episode. Let that be okay.