I want to stop hurting you.

I want to feel under control.

You said "it's okay" but it's not,

and I am terrified of the day

that you walk away from my crazy,

because you have every right.

This is not your fault.

You do not ruin everything.

I am not going to leave you over a phone call.

I need to trust you.

Why can't I say those words

instead of

"I hate you,"

"I'll do something drastic,"

"You don't love me."

I get it now,

finally,

that I am causing all of this.

Please have some patience.

Please let me learn to love.