Loneliness
Why does loneliness hurt so much?
Your heart feels like it is breaking. You see people together doing normal things like talking and you heart feels like it breaks into more pieces as if it had more pieces to break.
It’s a build up. Loneliness creeps into your soul overtime. One day you are happy to be left alone. The next you feel sad when your friends talk about plans they have that don’t include you. They didn’t even think to invite you or you become an afterthought. It’ll be nice not to be an afterthought.
You wish people would just invite you. You can’t invite yourself because that’s rude. When someone does invite you, you feel special. Maybe someone will see you. You aren’t invisible after all.
Sometimes you feel invisible because people talk around you and over you and don’t seem they are doing it. You can’t blame them. You feel invisible yourself. Sometimes you feel like you will fade away.
The worse part about loneliness is that people don’t realize you feel this ways. As soon as you say something, everyone around you either feels bad or make a big deal about it. You don’t want to be the center of attention. You just want one person to look at you. To tell you they see you.
And when someone does, it last as long as you are with them. As soon as you aren’t together, the dark feelings of loneliness creeps back into your soul. Loneliness barrows into your heart and soul. It will live in your soul and come up for air at the most inconvenient times. You just want to kill loneliness. But you can’t.
Even when you are in a group, you feel like you are by yourself. You don’t know why. These people are your friends. But sometimes the more people in a group, the lonelier you feel. The loneliness will hide when you are one on one with someone. It’s nice to have one person’s attention for once.
Social media makes the sinking of your heart worse. You see everyone smiling and laughing and having friends and going outside. And you are just stuck by yourself in your room.
You are never actually alone though. Loneliness is always with you.