Pushing Back

I don't feel real anymore. I walked by the mirror and there was a person there and she glared at me and she cried and she was angry and she blamed me and she hates me and... And I can't blame her. It isn't her fault. I did this to her. I hate her so much! I hate her shape and her fear and her insecurities! If she would just die! She has to die so I can live. So I can be real again.

And so, I work. Hard. I sweat and cry and sacrifice. I push the boundaries and force myself to face myself. I make myself vulnerable to make myself strong.