Look before
After about an hour of back and forth, mind measuring and soul searching deliberation, I take a few long deep deliberate breathes as I peer down into that dark cavern. Maybe I'm looking for some sort of deterrent so I back out of this, or maybe just the smallest glimmer of hope to bring forth encouragement, yet I perceive ultimately nothing. After realizing that moment was my last shot of backing out of what I thought I was determined to do, I turn my head to the heavens that has forsaken my soul and I sigh. One last breath of life I draw in, a full inhale while inching closer to the edge. The sands beneath my feet shift and fall from the cliff seemingly dissolving in air as the grains drop away into extinction. I leap.
My left leg kicks up bent as I lunge with my right leg shooting as far as possible like I'm trying to spring to the other side. Mid plunge I recognize a sharp feeling of regret and abrupt terror knowing there is no way in hell I can reverse this course of action. There is no recourse, I must push forward, regardless of what happens next. I have only a mere matter of moments before the end of my journey. Panic arises, yes, but it brings with it an unimagined guest. Like with a party invitation, panic’s plus one is “peace”. An extraordinary and peculiar sense of calm washes over me while falling. The momentum builds and I feel powerless. I cannot stop, I cannot flee or retreat nor can I direct my descent. My impulse at first was to flail my limbs erratically in utter futility succumbing to that initial fear, but with that impending sense calamity the sensation of tranquility overpowers the dread. Maybe it was the understanding that I was now fully invested in my actions, maybe it was me accepting my fate. Or maybe it was simply my instincts taking over, I don’t know because it happened way too fast to fully grasp.
I’m dropping, I’m losing all sense of my surroundings now as I plummet faster and faster. My mind shifts into a state like I’m in a trance because now seems like I’m soaring, then it goes back to falling and once again soaring. No matter because as soon as I start to recognize I….
The dive into the water shocks the body as much as the surprise at the speed I reached it’s all consuming wet embrace. The dark cave that surrounds it, obstructed my ability to see how far down it was, but the tour guides on the cliff assured me and the rest of the group that the water was deep enough to jump. Conquering my fear of heights and the unknown has recently become my obsession and this adventure I can now scratch from my bucket list.