[Untitled]
Listening to the right music can bring you to a new place, well writing brings me to a new world, it keeps my demons at bay. Over the summer of 2017 at Forman summer program I realized that I was depleted.
I realized that I was a
hoarder
of emotions
And
self-loathing.
I realized writing was my release from the world.
I sat by the window,
the seat by the fireplace,
never used,
never touched,
the window seat with the cushion
and the view of the graduation tree
and the green,
the picnic bench and the kids playing.
I sat there and wrote for house
on hours.
I guess you could say
I’m scared
of the outside world
that’s why you always see me inside,
I guess you could say
I’m scared of being on the outside
that’s why you always see me inside,
outside of everything.
I'm choking.
Writing is my release from the world
it helps me see that nothing bad is truly bad and everything bad can be warped and bent into something good.
I never felt the same when I picked up my first black composition book
I took it and my world changed,
clung to it as you cling to air when you learn to swim,
like you cling to hope
and then I tied my hair,
I tied my hair back into a ponytail and I got to work
I broke my pen on the pages,
broke my heart out onto the paper that was laid out in front of me.
I lost all sense of time and space and wrote and wrote and wrote.
I wrote.
“I have these voices in my brain and I created them and I hate them but I asked them to stay.”
(Hotel Books, Wooden Floorboards)
I ASKED THEM TO STAY,
I asked them to stay,
They give me inspiration
And
hope
and
reason
to keep writing,
and that’s something
I hope never goes away.
“It’s funny how artistic we become when our hearts are broken,”
(Hotel Books, I always thought I would be okay)
I don't write to bring sadness
or a feeling of loneliness
I write so people can relate
and understand their feelings
and not feel so al-one in this world.
I write so we can raise our hands together
shed our fears and scream
IM HERE AND I EXIST.
I wrote this to tell to you about my life
, and that’s exactly
what i
Did
And
Intend
To
Do
With
The rest of my life