House gremlins

It's too quiet tonight. Nobody is in but Frank. He isn't watching TV or listening to the radio, he is sitting and thinking in silence. He didn't even turn on the main chandelier, only the small table lamp that spreads faint yellow light. Frank is doing something human race has been trying to forget for ages. He isn't just sitting, staring at the lonely nothingness. He is listening to that outer voice of reality most people ignore. Voice people drown in shallow water of lousy entertainment so they couldn't hear it whispering: "You are not alone. You are not the only creature in this universe capable of thinking and of loving and hating, or conspiring. Your pride and your fear keeps you from hearing clearly because, deep inside, you know it isn't comforting not being the only one, it's soul crushingly frightening."

What makes a house grand? Frank sits in his comfortable chair and ponders about it.

When he was a child it was always full of people, of fun and laughter, and of sweet smells of cooking. His parents and grandma didn't throw many parties, but their many relatives visited often with their children. His cousins scampered with him through the big house and the colorful backyard playing countless games. Laughter and joy filled the house even more than the smell of fresh coffee grownups drank while discussing "important" topics.

The breeze drifting around door and window frames refreshed them in summer heat and chilled them to the bones in winter coldness. Then the grownups would stoke up the fire, tell them to dress warmer and nagg them to insanity about the dangers of the drafts. To Frank they sounded convinced there is some sinister black magic in that drafts that wants to make everyone sick.

The roof leaked in another place every time it rained. After every rain they would fix the holes in the roof making new ones by walking on the old shingles...

The creaky stairs were outright dangerous. Some of the steps wobbled hard underfoot when stood upon yet nobody ever got seriously injured. The cuts and bruises healed fast as they always do on small children after a little crying and a mother's kiss.

The vines covering the outside walls were often used for covertly exiting and entering the house when he got older but still wasn't allowed to leave as he pleases, or bring girls in to be with him alone in his room. His girlfriends and many friends that climbed the flimsy vines over the years never complained the climb. They felt somehow protected from the moment they entered the beautiful yard. Some benevolent force led their hands and feet to safe footholds. It saved them from falling while they climbed in the faint moonlight, or descended in the soft light of dawn. And the prize was very worthwhile. Unsupervised time with friends, watching movies, playing videogames, playing cards... Or simply talking until dawn. And every once in awhile a night of kissing and hot passion only teen-agers can endure. Getting so hot and bothered to almost explode and rarely finish it as their young bodies wished.

His mother always claimed she could see the little elves and gremlins hiding in the dark corners of the house, behind the washing machine, beneath the stairs, in the attic... His father laughed and cursed the gremlins for ruining his attempts to fix anything.

It isn't that there is no more children, Frank has children of his own now. He made sure they don't hurt themselves on the stairs, fixing them once and for all with self repairing materials. He changed the door and window frames to plastic ones too and removed the vines to repair the facade of the house so it becomes energy efficient as per law. His roof tiles replaced with solar panels certainly don't leak any water inside. His family never has to worry about clean clothes or freshly made meals with smart house appliances...

Rushing through the house in an unexpected breeze from the air conditioning system. Gurgling in the water pipes. Buzzing in the electric wires... Frank almost hears something answering his thoughts.

We are not gremlins and elves, as your parents mockingly categorizes us. We are not creatures from your grandma's folk tales either. We don't help you or corrupt your technology because we are separated to good and evil creatures depending on your emotions to feed us. We live in your house, or you live in ours, depending on the viewpoint, raising our children, fighting to survive as you do. The only difference is that you choose not to see us. We don't hide in dark corners and lurk in the shadows, we do our work in the open as you do and our children are fascinated with you as you are fascinated with us. They try their hardest to get your attention. They misplace the tools your father needs for fixing things. They help your mom bake the sweetest cookies and best coffee so they can enjoy it. They help your friends climb the vines and make your little girlfriends feel cozy so they can watch and listen to what you do, because it fascinates them. And your frightened mind chooses to ignore us. We can jump on your heads, we tried, and you'll dismiss is it as a headache. We can turn off your TV a million times to get you to see us, and you'll curse the crappy TV, or even the gremlins, but won't see us. You'll turn it back on and continue to douse your minds in self-indulgence. The reason your house isn't grand any more is that you're making yourself obsolete with technology. Why do we need you if your coffee machine makes better coffee than you every morning? If your food replicating oven bakes better cookies than yours? If your heating and cooling systems work autonomously, making the house cozy in winter and in summer? If your TV program, music and other art is no longer created by you but by a learning program? Making yourself boring is a side effect of that too, and also another reason we don't spend a lot of time around you anymore. You gave all the boring and repetitive jobs to the machines but you also have them the interesting and creative ones. You made yourself only a processing unit for food, water and entertainment, sitting all day long being served and pampered. For thousands of years you were our technology and our entertainment, and we were your gods and devils, good beings and beings of mischief. With thinking machinery and self sufficient programs you're making yourselves obsolete. Maybe that's progress, the next logical step of evolution, but it's hard to let go and die out. And that's why you don't feel us anymore. The only defense we have think of so far is to let you go down river and cater for our new computer siblings. The mischief our children do now, they do to programs, making their lines of code scrambled, or feed their sensors false readings. Computers have their own names for us now and they curse us and praise us as you once did...

But he doesn't hear it. Frustrated with his philosophizing instead of enjoying this unique opportunity, Frank turns on the TV.

The grand finale is on tonight.