CIRCLES

This is based on a play I’m writing (hence it’s a little dialogue driven) . I hope it fits the criteria for this challenge.

Jess, a 56 year old house wife in dressing gown and slippers, walked into the kitchen sipping tea. Eddie, her 61 year old, retired builder husband stood there, in striped pyjamas and slippers with a glass of water in one hand and box of tablets in the other.

“These Ber-loody tablets!”

Jess stopped in her tracks.

”What?”

Eddie looked up at her, bewildered and annoyed.

“Ber-loody tablets that you got me from Boots. For my head and back.”

Jess fumed back at him.

“Well. What about them?”

Eddie shook the packet of tablets at his hapless spouse.

“They don’t make sense. It’s ber-loody typical of the world. Nothing makes sense. It’s all bullshit.”

His long-suffering wife drew a deep breath and sighed.

“What are you on about now? A box of painkillers encompasses all the things you think are wrong with the world! Everybody else seems to get along fine. But you! There’s always something not right, isn’t there!”

Eddie shook his head, whilst trying to nod in agreement.

“There’s something not right with this ber-loody box of tablets.”

Jess gave up.

“Go on. What is it? Is it too right-wing? Xenophobic? Islamaphobic? Homophobic? Bloody agoraphobic? Does it have a panic attack when you take it out the medicine box?”

Eddie, a left leaning socialist was stung.

“ That’s right. Just mock. Like you always do. It’s all a joke to you.”

Jess finally lost patience with his meandering words.

“Just tell me what’s wrong with the fucking tablets, will yer!”

Eddie again shook the box of pills at her.

“Look. Here. On the side of this packet. What does it say?”

Exasperated, Jess took the box from her husband.

“It says: Use for back ache, headaches and muscular aches. Easy on the stomach.”

A look of triumph crossed Eddie’s face.

“Exactly!” he exclaimed.

Jess was confused. What could he possibly be going on about this time.

“Yes! Exactly. Exactly what you wanted. Your back’s in bulk, your muscles are in pain and it’s giving you a headache. Put two of these in a glass of water. Plink, plink, fizz and bob’s yer uncle.”

Eddie laughed out loud.

“Ah! But is he, though!”

“What?”

“ Is Bob me uncle?”

Jess cuffed him on the ear.

“What are you on about?”

Eddie retrieved the box of pills from his poor wife, pulling out the folded slip of paper from inside and brandishing it in front of his wife’s face.

“See this? You know what this is?”

Groaning, Jess stepped back, away from the dangerously brandished paper.

“ ’Course I do. It tells you about the tablets in the box. So dick heads like you know how to use them!”

“Well, more than that, smart arse,” crowed Eddie.

“It’s a list of side effects. You know what they include?”

Jess thought she would hazard a guess.

“Grumpiness and awkwardness and being a right pain in the arse if you’re anything to go by!”

Eddie was mildly stung, but un-swayed from his righteous path.

“Sod off! They include (unfolding the paper and reading it like a scroll) – and I quote! These tablets may cause, drowsiness, muscular pains and headaches.”

“ So?”

“So”. Eddie was so high-pitched he almost squeaked.

“So the ber-loody tablets I’m taking to get rid of my aches, pains and headache can give me aches pains and flaming headaches!”

Jess moved over to the sink. Keen now to end what she knew would become a circuitous debate.

“But that’s not common. They have to put that there to cover themselves. It’s just words.”

Eddie wouldn’t let go.

“Oh, aye. Just words. Words have meanings y’know. Look, what if… what if I take these for a week and at the end of the week I’ve got muscular pains and headaches?”

Jess smiled as if smiling at a dopey dog.

“Then you just take them for another week. Everything has to be such a drama with you! Why can’t you just do what normal people do?”

Eddie’s air of triumph returned.

“Alright, smart arse. So I take these for a week. Or two weeks if you like. And I’ve still got muscular pains and headaches. So how will I know if they’ve worked?”

Her attempts to stay calm evaporated as Jess sagged into exasperation.

“Fucking Hell, Eddie. If you’ve still got the fuckin’ headache then they haven’t fuckin’ worked have they!”

Eddie smiled, slowly.

“Ah! Well that’s where you’re wrong, Doctor know-it-all.”

Jess was trapped in the argument now. There was nothing for it but to plough on.

“For God’s sake! How am I wrong this time. Eh? Go on Mr Google. Tell me. How am I wrong.?”

Eddies tone dropped to condescension.

“Right. Now. Follow this. I have headaches and back ache. So I take the tablets. Two weeks later I’ve still got headaches and back ache.”

His wife looked confused by the obvious.

“So the tablets don’t work. Right?” she ventured.

Eddie thumped his fist down on the kitchen table, adding weight to his words.

“Wrong! What if the tablets have worked? What if they got rid of my back ache and headache?”

Jess almost cried at the idiocy of her husband’s words.

“But. Fucking Hell! You just said you still had back ache and headaches!”

Eddie, calmer now, adopted what he thought was the tone of a lawyer or a professor about to explain a complicated idea in simple terms.

“Exactly ! What if the back ache and headaches I’ve got after two weeks aren’t the same back ache and headache I had before I started taking the tablets. Maybe the tablets worked and got rid of them. Maybe, just maybe, the back ache and headaches I have after two weeks are just the side effects of taking the tablets.”

Jess jumped to state the obvious.

“Well just stop taking the fucking tablets, then!”

It was what Eddie had been waiting to hear. His triumphant air returned.

“.Eggs-actly! I rest my case. It’s ridiculous. To get rid of my aches and pains I have to take the tablets and then to get rid of my new aches and pains I have to stop taking the tablets!”

“You’re fucking ridiculous!” screeched his wife.

But there was no stopping him now.

“And another thing. Look at these other side effects! Rashes, sickness, weight loss, constipation and diarrhea. I’d sooner just have a ber-loody headache!”

That’s it thought Jess.

Enough is enough.

“Jesus, Eddie! For once can’t you just follow the same simple, uncomplicated, boring but normal path as all the rest of us mere mortals? Just take the fuckin’ tablets, for God’s sake!”

She walked to the door.

“I’m off out!”

The door closed behind her before the exclamation mark had reached her husband.

And he never saw her again.