The End and the Beginning

The sky is turning purple and orange as the sun begins its ascent. I slowly open my eyes and gaze across the desert as the colors bounce off the sand and the mountains in the distance. The air is cool, and as I start to shiver, I pull a blanket tighter around me. How did I get here? I look around at my surroundings. I am laying on a wooden bench on the porch of a small cabin. My body is stiff, and I wonder if I slept here all night.

I slowly start to remember as my haze begins to lift. My marriage is over. I am now a single mother. How did I get here? It felt surreal as I had sat at the courthouse a mere 24 hours ago, watching as the judge ended our sixteen-year marriage with a flick of his wrist. It had taken so long to get there, but it was over so fast. We had come to Mexico on our honeymoon all those years ago. We had always said we would come back, but life had other plans. A mortgage, jobs, two children...we just never made it back. I had made a pact with myself to come back on my own. I called it trying to find some closure. Maybe it was an attempt to run away for a minute. Either way, I had done it. I had bought a plane ticket and boarded a plane right after we were done at the courthouse and made my way back to Mexico. Part of me wanted to be reckless and meet some handsome man and throw caution to the wind. Why not? Didn’t I deserve a little reckless abandon?

As soon as the plane touched down, I had made my way to a bar and began to drink. I’m a lightweight, and it didn’t take long for me to drown my sorrows. I don’t know how I made it to this cabin, and as I lay here now, looking out at the beautiful landscape, I wondered if maybe I had carried out my plan and some random stranger had brought me back to his place. Was he in there right now passed out on the bed? I feel a jab of panic at the thought, and I feel slightly ill. I slowly sit up and stretch my aching muscles. The tears that I didn’t know were there, begin to slide down my cheeks. It’s funny how they just come sometimes without warning. I am overwhelmed with feelings of relief that it is over mixed with such an intense sadness. I loved him with all that I had, and it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough for him. Yet through the process, I had learned that I am enough for myself. I hear a voice behind me ask if I would like a drink of water. It’s not the voice of an unknown man. It’s a voice I know instantly. It’s the voice of my friend; my sister; my soul mate. I don’t know when she got here or how she found me. But she’s here. I look at her and start to sob. She sits beside me on that wooden bench and wraps her arms around me. I lay my head on her shoulder and she lets me cry. I don’t know how I got here, but it doesn’t matter. She is here with me as I begin the next phase of my journey, and there are no need for words.