Wolf Angels - Oh yes, I am talking about my boobs

Women are two kinds.

Vagina women and boob women.

I always found myself a vagina one. I never thought of nipple clamps or nipple vibrators, but vibrator vibrators...oh yeah.

I tried naming my clitoris and my vulvar lips, but never thought of giving a name to my nipples.

Breasts are...kinda boring really.

They're very "out there" and you get pretty self-conscious about them most of the time.

Are your nipples perky enough? Are my breasts saggy? Should I or should I not wear a bra? What about my bra size? Is it the right one? What if I really don't like wearing bras?

Too many questions, hopelessly no answers.

So why should I talk about the boobies?

Well, it's because I feel pretty discriminatory toward my two Bs. I know they're not that pretty. There are standards for boobies -unlike vaginas, thank Heavens- in which I would totally be a C or C-.

There have always been significant breasts and insignificant ones. There have also been pretty impressive breasts and ordinary ones. They say you get more attraction from the opposite sex if you are wearing the right bra size. What's my bra size? I absolutely have no fucking idea. There are those push up bras and strapless bras. There are more than a million bra types. Of which I have barely worn one or two types. I have about three bras, I kinda use them when my clothes are not too revealing -cuz walking with naturally-perked nipples in the streets of the Arab (and Muslim) world would make for one helluva harassment session- or when my appearance needs a confidence boost. Well, in the last case, I guess only one of the three bras counts. The other two are good for nothin'. They're just breast caretakers or boobie containers. They nest my breasts until they get back to the safety of my home where I can go bra-free for life.

So what should I call my boobs?

Well, I was thinking more on the line of "Sleepy" or "Bashful". Unlike my big V, who is a pretty daring girl, my Bs are pretty shy and somewhat clumsy. I think they're also pretty tame and unadventurous compared to Miss V, so if I get to name them, wolf angels would be the best title to pack them both and ship them to the world of nomenclature.

Why wolf angels?

They're wolves cuz they're not exactly the femininest of feminines, if you know what I mean. They're also pretty irritable and they don't get along well with perfume or fabric. Sensitivity is their middle name so they're always prone to rash and urticaria.

On the other hand, if we pick the religious categorization of demons, angels and humans, boobs would be the angel-iest part of me. Vagina would be the demon (buahahaha) and brain would be the human, always in between.

Oh, my soul is an alien, it refuses such lame and narrow differentiation of humankind. There's no such thing as angels, demons, gods, droids, dwarves or popsicles. There's such space and a big, fat vacuum. My soul is that big fat vacuum.

Anyway, I'd like to thank my awkward, weird boobies for putting up with all the bumps and bruises, the cheap deodorants and the sticky summer heat. I'd like to tell them how much I love them for being normal as opposed to other areas of my body, and being really chill about it. I'd also like to tell 'em that a)No, I would never get a breast implant ever in my miserable life. b) I might not get married so I might never put them to good use a.k.a breastfeeding. c)Yes, I might try and buy a fourth bra, just to spice things up a bit.

d)Nipple vibrators? Hmmm, sounds interesting.