We all died that day

Why did I do this to myself again?

Why can't I learn to quit?

Why did I think I'd ever be enough?

Why do I always need another hit?

Mom I'm so sorry and dad don't be mad

But the sweet child you wanted just isn't who you had.

I've got a problem with life and am nothing but sad

Why did I ever let it get this bad?

When did I start losing sight of myself?

When did I start thinking they were right?

That I was just another lost cause in the world

Who only found solace in drugs and crying at night.

16 brought pain and 17 brought more

The same blank space expression is the only things I wore

You begged me to stop, but I lied when I swore.

Why didn't I quit when you asked me to?

Why does it feel like no ever cares?

Five years later and it's all still the same

Living in a life where I'm barely all there.

When did things start going wrong?

When did every family function turn into fight?

Why am I i like the way that I am?

Why am I the only one with a problem you need to drink or ignite?

One hit, two hit

Three hit, Four.

At first it was enough

But now I need more.

One pill, two pills

Three pills, four.

The demons in my head

Had started a war.

One line, Two lines,

Three lines, Four.

Think I’ve finally had enough,

Can’t get up from the floor.

One knock, two knocks

Three knocks, four

Never thought by now

I’d be knocking on heavens door

Where did you go my loving child?

When did I lose your heart?

Why did you feel not loved enough?

When I have loved you from the start.

Where did you get those ideas, my love

That you weren’t good and a waste of space

Why did you think I wouldn’t want to help

Where are you now, is it a safe place?

What do I do now that you’re gone, my dear?

Don’t you know I can’t live without you,

My job as your mother should never be over,

Would’ve given my own life to keep you sober.

Did you not think this was something we could work through?

Did you not think I was someone you could come to?

You were my baby, my beautiful child

The shooting stars I’d wished upon

So care free and wild

So wonderfully brilliant and kind as can be

My life and my world

Why did you leave me?

What did you do to yourself, best friend?

Why did you test the stakes

Did you not think I would need you in my life?

Now for you my heart only aches

Why did I believe you when you said you were fine?

Lied right to my face as you did another line.

Are you happy now though wherever you are?

Why did you think your life was only to go this far.

Why didn't you tell me your thoughts, my friend?

Why didn't you let me in?

Why did you think I wouldn't care

And why did you let the drugs and dark thoughts win?

It used to be fun whenever we got high.

But now all I can ever do is cry

Because I never knew when we started at 16 it would be the reason you would die.