burletta // a little joke.

All the world is scared.

I’m shit my pants terrified.

But you know what? I’m tired of missing chances. I’m tired of fucking up.

I’m tired of a lot of things.

So fuck it, I’m all-in; whether or not the rest of the world is. If I get fucked, I’ll take it with a smile. If I get broken, I’ll pick up the pieces and start over.

Here’s my heart, and I’m hoping for the best really, but there is that chance. That you’re a liar. That none of this is real. That this is all for nothing.

If I go by what the past has taught me: I should be careful; I should be reserved.

Fuck trust.

But you know what? There’s also a chance that it’s not bullshit. That this really is what I’ve been waiting for. That you’re the change I want to see in this world. That you are real.

So fuck the past, because that isn’t what you are. You are the here, and now.

And fuck if I’m gonna let that pass me by. I’ve been living half-halfheartedly for way too long, and I’m tired of being lonely.

I’m tired of being cynical. I’m tired of being jaded.

Most of all, I’m tired of this apathy.

Hah!

If only I were that brave.

Or dumb.

Well I used to be.

But life teaches you better.

The endless lecture of cold reality,

each lesson leaving deeper scars than the last.

The only mandatory education.

The only class no one can cut,

lest it cut you right back.

The only time you'll ever see true existence:

a dull blade sharp enough to shear your soul clean in two.

“An Eagle stayed his flight and entreated a Lion to make an alliance with him to their mutual advantage. The Lion replied, “I have no objection, but you must excuse me for requiring you to find surety for your good faith, for how can I trust anyone as a friend who is able to fly away from his bargain whenever he pleases?

So, I’m cutting off my wings as surety.

All-in; the rest is up to you.”

I wrote this for someone else long time ago, but no one deserves these words more than you do. I’m scared of getting hurt again. I’m scared of trusting. I guess this is how I express my feelings, through words and paragraphs. But all the words in the world can’t express real humanity.

She made me feel absolutely incredible and it seemed too good to be true.

Well, it was.

As if you didn’t see that coming.

I on the other hand, did not.

Hope.

Naivete.

Trust.

The expletives of our era.

The sins that I eventually had to pay for.

So I’m hoping she’ll read this, maybe give me a sign or two that she still feels the same way she used to; that we don’t have to be afraid of each other.

That she meant it when she sucker-punched me with that one word; the one that starts with L and ends in heartbreak.

Or maybe she won’t. Because this is life; not one of those books that I cling so hard to, with happy endings and the perfectly-timed deus ex machina. Another night I suppose; ice and whiskey for me. Ice, whiskey, and these paragraphs of glass will have to suffice. For now at least.

Axioms and Idioms are fine and dandy, but in the end it’s you who determine how I feel;

and well, I’m feeling awfully (omitted) today.

Doubt sucks.

Oh well.

People and things I regret

are the only things i want to do tonight.

—burletta—

That’s all I am these days.