Torched

The moment I decided no. I'm not trying to get up that washed out hill. I was in my side by side vehicle riding the trails in the woods and realized I'm not up for those types of challenges anymore. I returned home sat at my desk and felt heat for a second that seemed like from a foundry blast furnace wash over me. It was the moment of truth burning off the bullshit focused, to reveal a clarity I hadn't had before. The message received. My days of youthful potential are over. The days of wine and roses are over. There is barely time to reconcile any of the mistakes of my life. It is, what it was and I must live the effects for the time I have left. There is no wiggle room, no way out. It's not that everything was a disaster. Many things in this life were quite good and I can look back with satisfaction. But I always thought I could have another chance. Another opprotunity to a do over, fix things that went wrong. But there will be no more. That caused fear to appear until I paused to assemble it and put it in its proper place among all the archives of years past. Now I'm glad I had this revelation. I can detach from knawing thoughts of incompetence and let the simple notion of "you win some , you lose some" rule the day.