Your Forever Son

Today should be celebrated, but for me, it won’t ever be the same again. I hope you’re enjoying your day, dad. I know you’ll never read this but I want you to know that I still pray for you. I’m still the imaginative little boy that you knew so long ago. Sometimes I imagine that one day you’ll put down your beer and come back to me. Maybe we could watch Star Wars again as we used too. I could tell you how everything has been. I could tell you about my friends. Maybe even show you my skills with a bow.

I know you’re never coming back but I just want you to know I hope you’re happy with where ever life has taken you. I don’t know that if I saw you if I’d be able to recognize the same man that I used to look up to. The man that put imagination into me. All I can see in you now is the sins I commit. I know you hurt. I wish I could tell you it gets better but I can’t say it has for me. I hope one day (even if you never come back to me) you find the God in heaven. I hope I get to see you when it’s all over. I hope you never forget me. I hope I can cling to my few happy thoughts of you for as long as I can. I don’t want to let you go. I want to see you again. I want to see you happy. I want to be able to tell you my joys, and my sorrows. I want you to be there for me to talk to.

Sometimes I dream about the day I finally see you for more than the cross I must carry. I pray that one day you’ll see the light shine in the hole you’ve dug. I want to dig you out, but I can’t.

I’ve lost my hope of ever feeling the same way about you. I one day hope that I can manage to love you again. Maybe you’ll see me again and it’ll be enough for you to finally come home. The words you last said to me may have been from your mouth but I know that there is still love in you. A love that I one day want to see again.

My wish on this day. A day when hope seems farther than ever. My wish is that one day I can find you. I want to save you. In your old age, I want to be by your bedside reading you to sleep as you did for me so long ago. I want you to see how your little boy has grown. I want to show you the joy that I needed from you. No matter what you may have said that night, I am your son, and you are my dad. I love you and I pray for you. One day I’ll see you again. I hope you're doing well.

-Your Forever Son

Happy Father’s Day