I am not okay

unless I am in pain

I feel better when I’m losing

than I do when I gain.

when others have worse lives than me

I feel sick inside

until I can self-sabotage in some way

I feel like crap, and I don’t know why.

I’m happy when I’m sick

maybe I have a terrible disease?

as stressing all the time weakens my body

I grow more and more pleased!

when I write I feel like I am making something I care about

not just sitting around, full of self-pity

even though I'll never stop hurting myself

when I die I hope people can enjoy my poetry.