Wet Dreams

An incredible coincidence it was, that she should show up now. My dog General Sherman and I had just been hoping, praying and wishing for anything that might add some Cajun spice to a boiled chicken day when the knocker sounded on the door...

General Sherman showed her in. Beautiful she was, dark-haired and dark-eyed, just like the Hunk-papa Sioux Motorcycle Cowgirl Goddess I had spent the morning pining for. Sherman eyed her distastefully, seeing in her a threat to any hope he had left for an afternoon fishing excursion. With a low growl he returned to his chair by the window, and to his e-copy of “Show Dogs Illustrated.” My attention returned to her. Her shorts were short, her boots tall, her bikini top revealing. I could imagine my neighbor Clyde’s consternation when this All American Beauty rumbled her Harley up my drive.

She purred rather than speaking, her words like warm syrup over powdered-sugar, huckleberry pancakes. “Your dreams called me here,” she cooed. “Now that you have me, whatever will you do with me, Big Daddy?”

And she knew my nickname! “Do you mean that you will do anything I ask you to do without question? Anything I want???“ I could hardly contain my excitement! I closed my eyes, and could almost feel the yank on my rod already!

She licked her lips seductively while looking me over head-to-toe, obviously liking what she saw. “Yes, Lover. Anything... and everything. How and where do you want me?”

Unbelieving of my good fortune, I ripped the list from my pocket with trembling hands. “Oh Yes! Thank you Lord!” I hoped upon hope that my neighbor Clyde would see this. What a “one up” it would be! I looked at her hopefully, “Do you have any qualms with getting busy outside? So the neighbors can watch?”

“Oh! You are a dirty boy. No, Sugar-britches... I love to do it in the grass!”

My God! The perfect woman! “All right then, you can start with the mowing. The mower, string trimmer and blower are in the shed out back. The light bulbs in the eaves need to be changed. You’ll need the ladder for that. It is also in the shed, you’ll need to move a bunch of stuff to get to it, though. The shrubs need to be trimmed, and the driveway needs to be sealed... say... just how long are you going to be here anyways, cause Pooky-Bear is wanting the shutters painted, too? Don’t just stand there, Dream Woman... get crackin’!”

“Come Sherman, I’ll get the tackle in the boat, you fill the cooler!“

Sing along with us, if you know the tune!!!

Now... get to work half-naked lass,

The wife won’t let the chores get past

But... now we have a free hall pass

We can fish and still mow grass

Here... last is first and first is last

Thanks to the wish on a genie’s glass

So... bite the hook you fargin’ bass,

Huck and Gen’ral Sherman are after your...