A feeding

The night light illuminates the crib across the room. A soft lullaby plays. My son has just latched on and his eyes are closed as he rhythmically suckles and swallows. I am a little uncomfortably perched, legs crossed, strapped into the orthodic feeding pillow my husband bought me on the bed, back up against the pillows, one is slightly off kilter. I had to maneuver myself against the pillows and headboard, one hand craddeling my son, the other pressed down against the mattress in an effort to bolster as much back support as possible. That must have been when the pillow shifted. I bite my nail and will myself to stay awake. My stomach grumbles; I’m hungry. I decided to go to sleep sooner rather than eat the night before knowing fully well I’d wake up hungry. My other breast is full and sore. I’ll have to switch him soon. I try to remember what I need to accomplish today and instead I’m lulled into a stupor by the lullaby “Oh how I love you. Oh how I love you Daddio.“ I open my eyes and notice my son’s nursing has slowed. I gently unlatch him with my finger and turn him around to latch on to my other nipple which is more sore now from engorgement. He suckles for a second and falls asleep. I sigh and lightly try to wake him brushing my nipple against his nose and back to his mouth. It doesn’t work. I bear him against my chest and with my free hand I place the pillow in the gap between my bed and nightstand. He nuzzles against my shoulder but doesn’t wake. When I place him on the changing table his eyes open faintly; he looks concerened or confused. I speak to him in a whisper, “Hi, sleepyhead, I’m going to change your diaper.“ I give him a kiss on the cheek and the right side of his lip curls up in a half smile. As I unfasten each side of his diaper he stretches his legs so it’s difficult to remove the the diaper between his straightened thighs. I yawn loudly and he startles but doesn’t cry. This allows me to remove the diaper as his legs ease up. In an automatic procedure, I wipe him clean and fasten his new diaper on with finesse. No sooner than a minute I pick him up and rock him is he asleep in my arms.