TW:suicide.

when my life almost ended, i was numb. i never told people i was going to kill myself, i said "im worried im going to die." and that worry was very real. the night before i was at a party. i had been crying all day but i wanted to go to say goodbye to all my friends. they said "good luck". i didn't think they meant it. i drank and i left. i returned to the arms of my best friend in my small apartment. for now i was safe but i didn't want to be. the remenants of past tribulations made stripes on my arms and legs. but this time was different. i had no urge to self harm. i didn't want to hurt. i wanted to die. hurting myself was meaningless at this point. it would do nothing for a dead person. and i was already there. my mind was dead but my body was moving. i was so over it. and i was ready. so ready.

the next morning i went to the emergency room. they took me in an ambulance to a mental hospital and all i could think about was how much this was going to cost my parents. but i knew it was what i needed to do.

and i survived.

you can too.