The Chilldren That She Sould Have Had

Jeanne called me on the phone. She was crying, "I could have had a baby."

She recently married a man and they were trying to have a baby.

"I had two abortions," she said. "I could have had two children already but now I can't have any."

No one deserves to have a child more than Jeanne. She would make the best mom.

I dated Jeanne and I loved her. I still do. I was good enough for her, not smart enough, not rich enough.

She met this guy who was in banking. She followed him to Germany and she got pregnant twice. Each time she had an abortion. Each time she called me and cried the deep morning cry of the loss of a child. I cried also because they were her children and any child of Jeanne would have been so great.

The man she was with was a bastard. He didn't want the children, and to stay in the relationship, Jeanne had the abortions. In the end, when he had money, he dumped her, for a newer, taller, blonder woman. Like he was trading up. I can't imagine a better woman than Jeanne.

Now she couldn't have children, and we both cried for the children that she could have had. We cried for the children that she should have had.