The problem with a smile and friendship

"Gimme a smile," "Gimme a smile," the photographer said.

Forcing a smile, I thought about what Tasha said a day ago. Memories flooded back to me...

"Why are you hiding your true feelings?" Tasha screamed at me during oursleepover to celebrate our tenth friendship anniversarry.

"What are you talking about?"

" Everything! Don't you understand? Your life is yours. Nobody can interfere. You just let yourself get pushed about. Bullied. Hurt."

"What do you know about my choices? I just want everyone to be happy! How hard can that be?"

"Your effort is paying off then. Everyone is happy. So happy that they don't think about your feelings. They spill all their silly little secrets to you. Then they are happy they let it all out. Then what? You just stand there and hope that you won't say anything about it. This way no one can call you a disloyal friend."

"Why? Can't I make people happy? Don't you think making people happy is making me happy?"

"If that's the case, why do you always frown so much. Penny, you think I don't notice how you're feeling? I know everything. It's been thirteen years since I was born. You know ten years anniversary? I know how you feel. In fact, not a day has passed of me seeing you unhappy, and moody. As I go out of your room everyday, after our little chat, I can sense that you are worried that you said or did something wrong. I'm quite sure that's how you're feeling right now."

"Tasha calm down," I said tears rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably. Was I loosing my bestie? This can't be happening.

"No Penny. You need to hear every word I have to say about this. I am not going to threaten our friendship of course. However, sometimes I feel you're so fake. Especially your smiling. No THE WORST IS YOUR FAKE SMILE. I can completely tell from your fake and real smile. From this past two months, I have not seen a real smile. Go on tell me I'm wrong. You always smile with a happy heart. Your heart is gold Penny. But sometimes in all the wrong ways. Please Penny you have to stop acting. At least not this way. But it will be better if you stop all the way. You're just hurting yourself. You know it."

"Really? You think our friendship is fake? I build this up with you Tasha. The happiness we had. Playing, camping everything. Now you are telling me you think I'm a liar. A fake person with two sides."

"No! Let me tell you this. If I had a penny for every milisecond you are sad, I will be able to be a billionaire in a blink of an eye. Imagine that. You don't need to be so pathetic. Cleaning up everyone's messes. When they do wrong, you take the blame. Do you think I enjoy seeing you being bullied? Of course not. You are really a good Friend considerate and everything. The only problem is that you don't try and be happy yourself. For real. I just want to see you happy.

"Tasha I don't understand a word you are saying. You want me to give up my dreams. Acting, Modelling and so many more. This is crazy!"

"Fine! Think about it yourself!" with that, Tasha stomped out of my room, leaving me speechless.

I stood rooted to the ground, trying to digest all the information she told me. Had she read my diary? I wondered. Then regaining my senses, I bolted out of the door sprinting up to Tasha. No this will not do. We need to reconcile and make sure everything is normal. I am a perfectionist and this cannot happen in my life.

"Say cheese!"

I jumped up, jerking into reality.

I had to fix this. NOW!

Thanking the photographer for helping to shoot me for the famous Vogue magazine, I grabbed my shiny turquoise handbag and sprinted out of the studio.

My agent, who was also my aunt, would definitely burst into rage when she heard that I slipped away from 'work'. However, I did not care. That was not important right now.

Work can always wait, but friendship is the PRIORITY.

I knew what I had to do.

As I jaywalked or rather jayran, I thought about what I could say to Tasha.

As I reached the front gate of my house, I bolted inside, and changed into some clothes that Tasha and I had chosen for us to wear on the first day of school. We never wore it together since that day though.

Then I ran my hands true my hair. No this was not the real me. The real me would make my own trend. No matter what everyone thinks.

I put on a bathrobe over my clothes and washed my hair and face that was completely painted with makeup.

Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I smiled. Now I was ready. I grabbed a hair band from my drawer, and tied my hair into a messy bun. Then I grabbed the friendship box that Tasha and I had kept since we met each other.

As I lifted it up, I realised something. It was so light. Thinking back about my fake smiling, I burst into tears. Why oh why did I fake smile all the time? I was manipulated and everything! Wiping my tears away, I began dashing out of my house and towards Tasha's house which was a stone's throw away.

As I ran, it rained. Lightning bolted, and thunder roared. Shivering in the cold, I continued making my way to Tasha's house. Standing outside her house, I kneeled down on the ground, using my jacket to cover the box of our memories.

Taking out my phone, I scrolled true my photographs. I had smiled with no feeling. My eyes looked so lively, but inside my heart, it was a completely different story.

As minutes passed, Tasha finally noticed me. She burst out of her house, making her way to me. She squatted down beside me and motioned me to go in. I shook my head vigorously.

"I won't. I don't deserve to be your friend. Please, I beg of you. Forgive me. That's all I need," I said through the tears that flowed down my cheeks like waterfalls.

Tasha gazed at me with sad eyes, and said softly,"I forgive you."

So as all stories go, Tasha and I reconciled, and made happy memories.

For me, I promised not to hide my feelings by smiling and acting as if everything was fine.

As for my modelling and acting career, I continued to pursue them. Even though my aunt was angry at me about the photo shoot, she forgave me, sympathetic about my friendship.

So the lesson I've learnt is to never hide your true feelings.