Little Miss F.O.K.

She just didn’t stop. Truly, if there was a question asked, she answered. An inquiry regarding a restaurant, gym, salon, hotel? Of course(!), she had been...and didn’t like it - here’s why. Oy! Ever the authority on everything, she was delighted when Facebook became a reality, and communities (HERS!) created community pages so their residents could communicate more readily, and in their pajamas - day or night - but always (and hopefully) with a level of respect one might have given to a neighbor over their picket fence years ago.

On her village’s community page, residents would share their recent coyote sightings or alerts that a raccoon was seen staggering on their block. All in an effort to keep those with pets and small children safe. Some would give a shout out to a local business, with the encouraging words to “support small business”, and to reinforce “how lucky we are”. Robust eaters would declare a new restaurant in town a hit, “Bring the wife, the kids, bring the beer..this one’s BYO!” Others voiced irritation, and wondered why planes recently started flying so low, and why-oh-why were there sooooo many?! “Arrrrrgh!! So disruptive, I can’t sleep.”

Although most residents wrote encouraging words to those with messages of frustration and despair, or “shame on you, play nice” words to others with silly little gripes... Little Miss Font of Knowledge always attacked from an intellectual perspective “It’s all fun and games until somebody gets Lyme Disease from the ticks they carry!”, to a new mother who posted a picture of her toddler, in his playpen while a mother deer and her two fawns snacked on her garden offerings in the background.

It has become a bit of an amusement to the residents who actually have face-to-face conversations, an old-fashion-building-of-community, if you will, so they often joke about “hearing her knuckles crack off in the distance”, or how they notice smoke billowing out of her chimney on a hot summer day with the quip, “Someone’s keyboard is on fire!” She once rudely replied “Google, anyone?” to a young resident’s quiry, “What’s distemper?”

She is like a self-proclaimed executive chef of a restaurant that hasn’t opened....so importantly unimportant. She should quit serving. Quit ladeling out her knowledge bits. Quit asking others to dine on her smarts. Her public is losing interest and she is running out of time.