The Choice

I left the bed be, even though he picked it, even though I never liked it. Something felt off when I thought of throwing it out, but it wasn't that I wanted to resell it or even donate it. Stains marred the once white surface, he was always so messy.

My sister had told me to train him, "They're like dogs," but everyone knows that isn't true. Dogs have this manner about them, this loyal, attentive glare in their eyes, but he had been too smart to depend on me. Most days, I felt like I depended on him for love, affection, comfort.

What we had was rare, growing old together though all others my age were alone, but with a sigh, I realized I was alone too. When I came back from grocery shopping, he wouldn't be there, sitting in his favorite chair, reclined and peaceful. When I woke up in the morning, he wouldn't be beside me, the bed would be empty without him, cold and lonely.

If Margie from bingo had suffered such a loss, she would scoff at his infidelity, lament that she always knew he would leave her; his gaze was always ogling other women, she'd insist. She'd fill the void with a dog, a yappy little one who would never stray from her side, but it defeated the point of companionship! What's the worth in a relationship if your partner is only there out of self-preservation? Whenever I saw him looking out the window at passerby, I knew he considered their worth as only he could. He'd observe their movements, their words, their lives as much as he could, and he had always come to the conclusion that I was worth staying with.

Until now, and I wondered what could he have seen? His health had gotten worse, declining sharper than mine, but I had still loved him as though he were young again. Maybe he had seen someone with a kinder gaze than me, someone who loved him more, and had left with the intention of a better life for himself.

I should be angry, I should be calling my sister to complain, but I just felt, well, calm. I knew he had loved me, enough to know I didn't need him anymore. Life was growing dim, and he had watched me too, seeing that I would never leave him if my bones crumbled and my skin withered. He made the choice for me, and I'll always love him for that. So I left the bed there, smiling at it fondly as the room began to fade and peace overtook me. I knew I would see him again someday.