Different Body, Same Brain

I opened my eyes and looked at the clock. 10:00 am on a weekend. Nice. Great time to wake up. I flipped over on my stomach and I felt no pressure on my chest but a pretty vast amount on something below my midsection.

I flipped back to see I no longer had my b-cup sized breasts. Oh god. How did this happen. I sat up quickly to notice a pretty sizable lump underneath the basketball shorts I wore to bed.

What. The. Fuck.

I had a penis. I instantly felt bad about everyone I ever teased about morning wood because it was happening now and it was scary as hell. I leapt up to look in the mirror. And man, was I hot. Not in a stereotypical excellent physique type of way because I definitely wasn’t. I was lean and I had a full beard and mustache to complement the brown shoulder length hair. I looked in the mirror, looking like myself at the base but also not. I could recognize my eyes and cheekbones and the nose. Now I had a layer of hair everywhere I didn’t usually have it: my jaw, my legs, and worst of all, my pits.

How did I become a dude? And when was I going back to being a chick?

I didn’t really know what to do with myself anymore. Oh god. What if I didn’t switch back?

I was overthinking this. Guys don’t normally overthink things, I don’t think?

Well, I guess...if I was a guy...I would try to be like a guy and try to test out the things that I’d always wondered about. I’d never given birth before but I suppose I could test the age old question on whether or not getting hit in the balls is as painful as men claimed it was.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, balling my fist. I thought about every time a man told me to smile and those times when they slowed down while I was running around the neighborhood to talk to me. Almost like a reflex, I punched myself. I doubled over immediately and started yelling a string of profanity. Holy shit. Kill me now. I laid down in fetal position on the floor. God. Fuck. God. It felt like...one of my worst cramps. Fuck.

I took a couple of deep breaths until I could think again, and the pain began to subside. God. This was so stupid. Why the fuck would I do that?

Whelp. At least I wasn’t wondering what if anymore.

I took a shower, finding myself only using a three in one product all over myself. Using the same thing to wash my hair and body made no sense to me, but I was very happy with the scent. Man scents were better than the sickeningly sweet things used for women. Trust me, no one needs to smell like a fruit salad. Afterwards, I put on some jeans and found everything fitting conveniently in my pockets: my wallet, keys, and phone. I didn’t need a purse. I had pockets in all articles of clothing. Man. Everything was great and comfortable.

Males didn’t get periods. No bleeding uterus ever. I didn’t have to worry to plan a trip or avoid wearing certain colors because I was an open ketchup packet. Man, they really had the best of luck.

I went to my car, recognizing my blue old 1987 Ford, and I got in. I didn’t know why I was surprised to see it. Changing gender didn’t necessarily mean it would change me or my likes and dislikes. Of course guy me would love this car.

I got into the car and my legs were cramped at the regular settings. I frowned at having to adjust the seat. I was no longer 5’4. Man. I was never gonna get this setting again after returning to being a girl. Safety first, and I also didn’t know if I was ever going to be a girl ever again. I nudged the seat back just enough to be able to drive safely.

I headed out to get breakfast tacos at my favorite taco place. I stared at the menu. Guy me was craving some potato, egg, and cheese tacos. I went up to the cashier and went up to the cashier that was notoriously cranky.

“Hey, can I get five potato, egg, and cheese breakfast tacos?” I asked her. I normally went for three but I was heavier and taller in this body.

She smiled at me for the first time since I started coming here. Then, her smile fell. “Oh. I’m sorry. We stopped serving those five minutes ago.”

“Oh. Well, that’s okay…” I replied and started to turn around.

“Wait!” she called out. She went to talk to someone in the back. She came back a second later. “No problem! Your total comes out to 7.25.”

I inserted my credit card and she gave me a receipt. I went to go take a seat.

She never delivered food. But she did deliver my food when the food was ready.

She smiled at me. “Enjoy your food!” She set down a napkin next to me with a phone number and the name “Amy” and walked away.

Well, how nice of her. But I didn’t think I was attracted to women. I didn’t feel anything that made me wonder about women. So maybe, now that I was a guy...was I gay?

I shook my head before going down that rabbit hole and started eating. I inhaled all of the tacos and did not feel full. This was deliciously disappointing. How much money would I have to invest in buying all of my food?!

I got up and walked to the restroom. It was empty but there were several urinals. Well alright. I undid the button in my jeans and the zipper and found the whole process insanely convenient and quick. Women had to undress completely from the bottom. It was why dresses were so convenient to women. But men, all of their bottoms were convenient as long as they had zippers instead of multiple buttons.

I went back to my car. I kept the phone number in my pocket for future reference in case I did keep my current genitals. Let’s be real, the tacos were good. I needed to keep coming back. Now that I noticed that Amy actually smiled, I’d like to help keep it that way.

I went back into my car and looked at the potential of the rest of my day as a man. Truly, the sky was the limit. That scared me a bit. I felt that fear as a woman. I just wasn’t allowed to cry so much about it in this gender according to my grandpa. Life truly sucked for everyone. I didn’t know what that meant and where my place was in the world if I was stuck in this body for the rest of my life.

I decided to go back home. I took off my clothes as I walked from the living room to the bedroom. And I crawled to bed. I still thought too much whether my gender was male or female. I failed to want to do anything else and submitted to the slumber to keep the thoughts running.

#girltoboy #womantoman #depression #confusion #birthvspenis #emotions