“shut up, was i talking to you?”

as i lock myself in my room

once again

and i shove

my old earbuds in,

i try to drown out the world.

i can't mask

the wicked sounds

of my mother yelling

at my sister

because once again

she

isn't

thinking.

that isn't the whole truth,

i suppose.

she is thinking

but her thoughts

never stray far

from herself.

she doesn't understand

that our mother doesn't

have the thirty dollars

to spare

so she can go and mess around

at Adventure Landing

with her friends...

she doesn't understand

that our mother doesn't

have the time

to spare

to drive her to

her friend's house...

she doesn't understand

that our mother

is putting us through

private school

with no help

and that she has to pay

over a thousand dollars

a month for us to

go to school.

she doesn't understand that

the tuition itself

is going to take about

a ninth of my mom's

total

annual

salary.

her thoughts

have never left

herself.

i can hear

my mother's

heart breaking

as she screams

about how she

doesn't know

where she'll

get the money from

and how

we're not going to be

ok financially

once we start

high school.

and during all of this,

i am sitting in my room

and writing this down,

feeling like a coward

for not getting involved,

but knowing

that i will only be told

to

shut

up

if

i

try...