Today’s Woman

I could here Peaches purring in my ear. Damn cat. I rolled over onto my side to put my arm around Shannon when she suddenly pulled away and practically fell out of bed.

“Who, the hell, are you?” She exclaimed.

“What?” I sat up and immediately felt a slight tugging at my chest. I looked down and notice the new breasts dangling from my bare chest. “What the-!”

“Where’s Vic?” Shannon reached for the phone. “I’m calling the police!”

I jumped out of bed to knocked the phone out of my wife’s hand. “No! Please.”

“Victor!” Shannon shouted toward the master bath. “Victor!”

“Babe, babe. It’s me!” I looked in the mirror to verify that my identifying marks were still there. “Look,” I showed her the mole on the corner of my mouth. “See?” I said pointing to the scar on my eyebrow. “Look at the scar where the dog bit me.”

“Oh my god. Oh my god. What? How?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know.” I suddenly felt as though I was about to faint. “Hang on, I’m getting dizzy.” I leaned over, placing both hands on the bed to steady myself and noticed my new knockers swaying idly under me. “Oh my god. I have boobs.”

Shannon started to cry. “They’re so perky.”

“Babe don’t cry. You’re going to make me-.” I couldn’t even finish the sentence when I was suddenly overwhelmed by emotion. We stood on opposite sides of the bed and stared balling. Then the door opened and our teen daughter walked in.

“Why are you being so loud?”

I cupped my breasts and gave Shannon a look. She went over to speak to our daughter. “Just give us a second. Go back to your room.”

“Where’s dad?”

“I’ll explain later. Go on, baby.”

“I can’t go back to sleep. Who’s she?” she asked looking at me.

“I’ll explain it later! Go get some cereal, or whatever!” Shannon ushered our daughter out of the room. Our daughter didn’t fight but gave me one last wary look from the crack of the closing door. “Why is she topless-“

As soon as our daughter left I started balling again. “She wants her dad!” Shannon came around the bed to me. “She has no dad,” I said.

She sat next to me and started rubbing my back, “I know, I know. It’ll be okay. We’ll figure it out.”

I nodded and gathered my composure, “Okay,” when suddenly I felt Shannon’s hand casually stroke the area between my legs. I jumped off the bed and stood, “Whoa!”

Shannon tears up, “You have no dick.”

I pulled the waistband of my shorts and look. I suddenly felt dizzy again and sat on the edge of the bed. I have no dick. “What am I going to do?”

“We will figure it out,” Shannon said, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

“Call 911!” I stood and shouted.

“Let’s think about this-“

“Call 9! 1! 1!”

“Babe, babe, think about it. What are you going to say?”

I started pacing. “Your mother!”

“You want me to call my mother?”

“She never liked me much.”

“My mother adores you...what? Are you implying she turned you into a woman?”

“She could have.”

“Alright...you need to calm-“

“Don’t tell me to calm down!”

“Okay. Okay.” Shannon took my hand and sat me down on the bed. She sat next to me and put her arm around me.

“Maybe...call my mother,” I suggested.

“What will your mother do?”

“I don’t know..,” I placed my head on my wife’s shoulder. “I just suddenly have an urge to talk to her.”

Shannon stroked my head, “Awe. She stood and headed for the closet. “I think we should see if Dr. Ferm’s office has an opening today.” She tossed a pair of cute blue slacks on the bed and a red tank. “First you need to get dressed.”

“Eww. I don’t know if I want to wear anything so clashy.”

“Don’t be silly. This outfit looks great with theses platform shoes. Oh-“ Shannon stopped and stared at my feet. “Why are your feet so big?”

I looked at my feet and realized that I have not changed structurally. “I’m still tall. Those pants won’t fit.”

“Just try them on.”

I slid the pants on. They were short on me but my butt looked great. I looked over my shoulder at the dresser mirror to verify. “Wow.”

“Those slacks look better on you than me,” Shannon remarked.

“I know-“ I look at my wife and notice her look, “no they don’t. I wish.”

Shannon didn’t buy my modesty. “Mhm. Here put the top on.” She gave me a once over then said, “You’ll need a bra.”

“Right, Can I borrow your lacy one.”

“Oh honey. Your boobs are too small for one of my bras.”

I look at them in the mirror. “There not that small.”

“Give me a second.” Shannon left closing the door behind her.

When she returned she’s carrying one of my daughter’s bras.

“Ohhh no. I’m not wearing that.”

“Why not?”

“Our daughter’s boobs were in that.”

“You were okay wearing one of mine. My boobs were in those.”

“That’s not the same.”

“Whatever. Just put this on.”

“No.”

“I’m not going out in public with you looking like a damn crackhead, so put it on!”

I shook my head but removed my top. Shannon helped me put on my daughter’s bra.

“It’s a little tight around my chest,” I told her.

“Welcome to my world. Deal with it.”

I was not really liking the bra one bit, but I put the top back on and stood with arms straight while my wife inspected my outfit. She nods in approval. “That looks cute.”

I rolled my eyes. Then looked at myself in the mirror. “Do you have a belt?”

“No! Just throw on some flip-flops. You’re done.” Shannon grabbed her phone to call the doctor’s office. She managed to get an appointment before noon which gave her time to drop our daughter off at school. I waited at home until she returned.

“What did you tell her?” I asked about our daughter.

“I told her dad went into work early and that...you are an old friend of mine.”

“Did she believe you?”

“I don’t know. I’m not really worried about that right now. Did you call out from work?”

“Yes. I had to tell them I was you, but...”

“Okay, let’s go.”

We drove over to Dr. Ferms office and headed straight to the reception desk. The receptionist immediately recognized my wife, but only gives me a polite smile.

“Good morning, Mrs. Luna!”

“Hi Rachael, I made an appointment for my husband today.” Shannon looked at me. She’s smiling but her discomfort was apparent.

“Of course, just have Mr. Luna fill out these forms and we’ll call him in a few minutes.” She handed the clipboard with the forms to my wife who casually passed them to me. Rachael’s smile cracked almost imperceptibly for just a second.

We sat, and I filled out the forms. Every now and then I glanced over and notice the odd looks from Rachael. Then just as expected, a nurse appeared in the waiting room and called for me. I stood and headed for the door to the exam rooms as every eyeball in the room followed close behind me.

“Mr. Luna?” The nurse smiled. She looked at her paperwork. “Just a second,” she said still smiling, still flipping through the records in my folder. “Well...I just. Never mind,” she lead into one of the exam rooms and promptly took my vitals without a word. Afterward, she sat in the chair next to me and cleared her throat. “So. Tell me what brings you in today?”

“I used to be a man,” I blurted out.

“Mhm.”

“I would like to be one again...”

“Mhm, mhm.”

“I’ve only been a woman since this morning.”

“Right. Let me get the doctor.” The nurse left. I sat impatiently for a few minutes until the doctor finally arrived.

“Oh thank god. Dr. Ferm, how are you,” I said.

“Mr. Luna?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry, our records do not indicate that you’ve had a procedure to change your sex.”

“That’s because I didn’t have one. I woke up like this...I know it does sound crazy.”

“Mhm.”

I nod. “But...I had a penis. I kinda liked it. I would like to have one again.”

“Mhm.”

Dr. Ferm pretended to write something down but I could see that he was only drawing circles on his notepad. “So, you would like to have another procedure done to reverse your sex change?”

“I guess, but I never had...”

“There’s a process. It’s very involved. I want you to take this four times a day,” he hands me a prescription for one hundred milligrams of lithium, “and make an appointment with a psychiatrist. Rachael will provide you with a referral list.”

Shannon looked up from her magazine, surprised to see me out so quickly. She stood and headed over to me.

I hand her my prescription. “I just want to go home.”

Shannon smiled. “I love you,” she said sweetly.

“I love you too, babe.”

As we leave the office she leaned closer and whispers, “Wanna get a mani-pedi?”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

#literature #fiction #microfiction #humor #comedy #challenges #thetablesturned