HELP!

As of late writing just about any word has troubled me. I find myself stuck in figuring what I want to write about or lost in trying to make an image come to life through words. It’s not that I’m under the thumb of writer’s block, I don’t feel like I have a lack of words to write down, but a limited time to do so. My school life has invaded my private space and because of this, every time I sit down to write, regardless if I’m in a speeding car or in the middle of doing my homework, I find myself rushing to make some finished product that I’m obsessed with. A piece of writing that makes me want to read again and again in my head and figure out how can I improve the visuals or the flow of the verse to ensure that my point is made perfectly. I don’t make perfect pieces of writing, but I do write over topics or concepts that I believe are perfect for me. In other words, I make something for the purpose of spreading some message that is important to myself and try not to overextend to another topic that I’m not familiar with. With each piece my hope is to create something that is genuine and doesn’t seem like an artificial creation that manifests me as some superior being, or a person who is plagued with problems.

The reason I am writing this is because I am hoping that I can further elaborate on the person that I am, because people are complex things and they change drastically in their way of thinking over time, and I have yet to interact with my audience. My second reason is that I find myself now and then destroying my love of writing for merely gaining attention. I keep finding myself trying to write something for gaining likes and popularity, but those things I feel should come second, once you’ve established yourself. I hate writing for attention because it ruins my hopes to popularize certain types of writing, or to make a whole new style of my own. It takes my creative pursuits and crumbles them into a piece of paper, and throws them right into the trash. The thing that I hate most is when you spend days, weeks, or even months creating something and then the moment you put it out there in the vast world of words, it instantly dies, never to be heard of again. I understand that not everyone is going to like what you have to write but it is a punch to the gut to see your hard work die. Not even with one comment to tell you whether it was a pile of crap or if it was decent. Without some response you can’t tell if you can improve or if you have a style that you should continue honing. Whenever this has occurred to me in the past I have tried to just keep going, and figure out what element is missing, where did I go wrong. I didn’t give up, because I kept finding new ideas and concepts that gripped me, but now this has changed. My hope with this piece is to see how it is others deal with this, or if they may even feel the same.

So if it is possible, I would not only greatly appreciate it, but adore you for any response, if that means anything to you at all.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this.