And at 8 o’clock tonight, another domestic violence offender apprehended. Tune in for more information.
Most people didn’t believe she was abused, heck, she didn’t believe she was abused. And yet it was scary how much she could relate her life to the textbook definition of abuse. But she certainly wasn’t being abused.
She loved them with everything she had, even if it was hard sometimes. They loved to use her as a tool, loved to have a say in everything she did, and loved to guilt trip her. God did they love to make her feel like the worst person in the world for daring to do anything that they didn’t like. It made her cry sometimes because she didn’t think she would ever be good enough.
And yet the definition gets clearer when we start to discuss him. He loved them to the ends of the Earth, wanted to spend the rest of his days with them. They laughed at his shortcomings and shoved them right back in his face, they took his paycheck and argued over how much he really needed for the week to the point that he started walking ten miles to work for lack of gas money, they spent every waking moment trying to teach her to hate him and leave him truly alone where he would be his most vulnerable.
Anyone who read the case would believe it was as clear as day but it’s not. It was murky, foggy. It was harder to come to a clear answer than it was to see your hand in front of your face on an early morning during rainy season. Because though they were manipulative, though they were controlling, though they craved power, they also fell apart without these things.
As one grows up, they remember their elder years better than their younger ones. As she grew up, all she could remember about them was fighting and shouting and anger and power. They were someone that she loved, she knew she loved them but she couldn’t tell you why aside from the blood running through her veins. What hurt even more deeply than that was watching them become a shell of themselves when she grew up and started making her own path. She wasn’t under their control anymore and it was breaking them. With him taking similar steps they isolated themselves with the occasional pitiful attempt to continue what they had.
Regardless of whether or not it was abuse, she understood one thing about abuse victims. The one thing that kept them going day in and day out, what made them stay.
I can help you.
It’s why she stayed. It’s why he stayed. And it’s why both of them would always stay. Because no one would be better off if they all went their separate ways. A little part of them all would die. The victims of abuse are truly kind souls who want to help people in need even- especially when they are unable to help themselves.
This was the story of a husband, a wife, and their daughter.
Whose to say if it was abuse or not?