Dear Death | 25 Sept 19

25 Sept 19

Wednesday

Dear Death,

It is a beautiful evening, I can see the stars sparkling. Today it was predicted a meteor shower later around in the morning. I wonder if can still be here to watch that. I can hear the waves from the balcony, they sing. The breeze is cool, it is calming.

Oh my dear death, from where should I now start? Whenever I have heard of you, I have always been terrified. You are someone my parents and my teachers never taught me about.

The first time when I heard of you was when I was twelve. You took my friend's hand and guided him through the darkest path of his new journey. I never was able to tell him that I am grateful for his friendship. That I was thankful for of our time being. That was very sudden and I was heartbroken. For a mere child it was a sudden disappearance without the leisure of saying goodbye. From that moment I despise you.

That time I learnt that you play peek-a-boo with us. Without any warning you walk up to the person. Still tip-toeing you take them with you. Hiding inside your black cloak. With diabolic eyes you look at. With your evil lips you grin.

I encounter you again on the rainy day, when I was fourteen. Not that much time was passed since our first meeting. You were smiling for that time you had found a kind companion for the time being, when you walked with them to the same aisle. I cried, again. I was wondering, where you might have took my kind uncle? When he was with us he was very happy, making us clay dolls, pots and idols to pray for. I was sad for he might not be smiling like he used to. Whenever he was with his clay he was always smiling. I was happy until the moment you appeared. My eyes again gave out until I can no more.

Then, I remembered going to picnic. I remembered the smiling faces of everyone. I remember the laughter and the cries. I remember the house burning down. Everyone was rushing and the building was falling. I chocked on the smoke. Not long my vision got all blurry and I was screaming for my mother and father. The terror it came back from our first encounter. This time amplified, it made me more difficult to breath. I was crawling, screaming for help. The laughter of yours was all could hear. Echoing through the burning walls, through the burning floor. The scream became slowly inaudible. All I can hear was your laughter. My strength was leaving me. My eyes were too tired to stay open. My throat was in pain. I was losing it all. Into the pitch black. Fading through your laughter I heard a voice, soft and calming. Soothing. Calling for my name. I thought I can finally let go of my struggles, suffering and pain. You are bad and evil. You showed no mercy. It all went down. Leaving nothing behind, just the ashes. Only ashes.

Years passed, I graduated high-school and became a college student. I was very sad that I have to move town leaving my friends and people, who care for me behind, for my education. Every day in the morning I walk before the sun rises. I was trying to fit in with the atmosphere around me.

I learned to draw, to paint. Before I realize I started drawing for people around me. I started expressing my love through them and that was how I met my fated person, the love of my life Aashish.He gave meaning to my life, restored the peace within me. Supported me with everything he got and loved me like the first spark. We were always together. I was so happy that I could live my all life with this person.

Did that make you envy me that I have found myself a person to live my whole life with? Was that the reason you crossed path again with me? Was that the counter for that night when I escaped you? Was my fate written with no fortune?

Whenever I try to overcome myself, you just become more vile. For sinful you are, despair is all you gave me all the time.

I cried the loudest that time when you tangled around your threads of lifeless around my love. I kept ripping it apart and you kept twisting. My ears were again filled with your laughter. I was petrified, scared, pulling all my wits out. You have no mercy.

I cried and cried till I can no more. I was heartbroken, again. Shred to dust.

I am reaching my limit. I think I can write no more to you. For you have always known me. Many times you have come across me. But I was taught good so I will continue. It is already past midnight and silence has been accompanying me. Even the waves I can hear no more.

Where was I now? For me who have always been raised with love and care was unaware of the world. This unfamiliarity slowly chipped away the value I had. As the days passed by, the harder it became for me to go past our last encounter, the good times I had, now they become painful memories and is haunting me. Slowly - slowly I am becoming shallow, a living doll. I have stopped caring. I have stopped crying. My strength is fading. Even now my finger are hardly lifting.

Every day, every night I draw. I draw beautiful green mountains, blue rivers, silver sky with sparkles. Snippets from my memories of all the beautiful people I had, of my love. My studio has now no space for any more paintings. But you know habits hardly fade away. Now my room is also half filled with all those paintings. Though I have to covered them with white clothes cause whenever I see them, it becomes hard for me to breath. You left me with no one. In the room there are no one but us. This infatuation of yours, it has already became burden to me.

It became more frequent, thinking about you. So I finally decided to write you. I wonder when we will meet again? When is our faithful day. I feel so lonely, here all alone. You robbed me my passion, my love, my happiness, my reasons to life. You took all my love now there is nothing here with me. No matter how hard I try I keep falling down now. My knees have gone week. No more I can stand. You shattered me the point that all my parts have been reduces to grains. It's funny how I am thinking about you lately despite hating you.

After this I am going to the sea shore, so come and meet me there. I will come wearing crimson. Easy for you to spot. Let me meet my love of my life, let me see my mother and father. I promise I will stay out of your way. I won't bother you in future here. I am tired. Just for this time come see me.

Your lovely

Renie

P.s

I miss you.

Ashish, I am sorry, i miss you so much. Everytime when i a not painting i cried myself to sleep. Every day is repeating. Every day is painful. I know you won't approve of this. That is why i am apologizing. I am sorry.

#September_19 #DearDiary #Renie_ #Sheera