My worst fear

I was always cynical when mothers would say, “There is no stronger love like the love you have for your children.” Then I had a baby and my world changed. Nearly every facet of my life was touched by having a baby. My focus changed. I was born into motherhood. I’m now one of those mothers who proclaim there is nothing like a mother’s love.

Today my son was playing with his toys on the floor while I was having my coffee nearby on the couch, my family around me. It was a typical Sunday morning. CBS was on T.V. We were in the middle of conversation when Maritza, my mother-in-law, said, ”He’s choking.”

In a nanosecond I was by my son’s side, I held him with one palm on his chest, his body adjacent to the floor and I beat his back and quickly dislodged the foreign object. He threw up and I held him, checked that he was breathing and when I realized he was okay I whispered, ”my baby.”

A minute or two passes and my leg is flooded with pain. Maritza calls for my husband to take Teddy from me. I become dizzy and feel nearly faint. In my race to my son, I landed full force on my son’s toy cup. It left about a four inch cut accoss my shin and started turning blue. My first thought was, I can’t afford to go to the doctor. Fortunately for me, Maritza jumped in, iced, cleaned and bandaged my leg.

T.J., my husband, pulled a grape stem from our son’s mouth. It was still in his mouth, he had tucked it in his cheek and apparently tried to keep it. Maritza and T.J. had to work together to get it out of his mouth. I heard all this from the baby monitor in the living room where I was confined to iceing my leg on the couch.

My worst fear is my son dying. Today reminded me of a quote I read about motherhood, that it makes your life twice as bad and twice as good. I love my son so much it hurts and I am all too aware of how fragile life is and how quickly he can be taken from me. The close call has shaken me, but my quick actions prove that I am a fierce mother and I can rescue my son in an emergency. I just never want to have to rescue him ever again.