Not reaching 22

I always had this feeling that I won't grow old. I know, somewhere inside, that I don't have to look forward to the future since it won't happen to me. I feel like I'm to die tomorrow, or next week, or next year - I won't reach 22. It's already a miracle that I reached 20. I thought I won't turn 18. I never planned because I always felt like I don't need to. I just let things flow and I guess at least I'm contented to whatever adventure I'm facing. I just thought it's weird. To always feel like you won't face the future and one day - maybe today, you'll die.