Is it Inspiration?

I am inspired from fear. I fill myself with trepedation in order to feel motivated and inspired. We all know the mind works in strange ways. I get inspired by imagining a scenario. I imagine I will be given a video. The video will feature every moment i've been conscious in my life. I imagine my life has been cut short and some supernatural being has given me this video. This thing asks me to "go through this tape and tell me every significant thing you have done that has been productive for yourself or others in your spare time, school does not count." So, as i watch the video, I see myself missing out on opportunities because I just "can't be bothered," and also not pursuing and being better at my hobbies. I see myself in bed on my phone for hours, not truly socialising, not doing anything useful and wasting my valuable time that someone else would be taking advantage of. I am lucky to have time to waste and this does not mean i need to be productive in all of my free time but I should strive for this surely? Does it mean i should waste my free time? Because I don't even know how much of it i have afterall. I mean some people are so unlucky that their lives get cut short due to something they can't control. Yet, i am here, wasting time on meaningless trivial things that do not improve my situation and things that i won't remember in a week's time.

Time is a valuable resource and i know i have spent a lot of mine on being negativeand depressed. I am inspired, after recovering from that state, to live my life not wasting anything. In my opinion, nothing that grants some aspect of positivity is a waste so, if it is helping out others or working on yourself, it isn't a waste. Make your video something to be admired by you and the ones you care about. It doesn't have to be world changing, Just make sure it is better than having nothing. :)