Just A Good-Bye-For-Now

Did you know that when I struggled,

He was the one to encourage me?

Did you know,

He was always there to help,

And to keep me from giving up?

I have always loved to dance,

But was afraid to be open about that love,

Because I was afraid of making mistakes.

It took me years to convince myself that signing up for dance,

Was not admitting that I was weak,

By allowing myself to enjoy,

What the rest of the school did.

The first few months were awful.

I made constant mistakes,

And constantly worried about making more.

At the time I didn't realize,

Most of my problems,

Were caused by worry.

I constantly apologized for doing something wrong.

When I danced with him,

He told me it was okay,

When I stumbled.

He helped me learn,

The steps I struggled with.

He promised me,

I wouldn't fail.

All the others gave me judgmental looks,

Because I was just learning to do,

Things they had known for years.

But he didn't make me feel like crap.

He made me feel like I had a chance.

I ended up getting more chances to dance with him,

Than anyone else.

Three major dance events,

In the year I did dance.

Two competitions.

A concert.

I danced with him for all three.

I can still remember the way he danced;

The unique way he moved.

He knew how to do the moves,

And was decent at most of them.

His dancing was sometimes,

As clumsy as he was,

And it made it more fun.

His movements were kind of jerky,

And he bounced around,

Often,

More than the dance called for.

His timing was horrible.

Just plain awful.

There were times,

His timing in the dance would get so off,

It would seem we were doing a completely different dance,

Than everyone else.

Despite all this,

He was actually a decent dancer.

When I danced with him,

He made sure I never felt bad about missing a step.

Sometimes,

I dance my favorite dance of all,

To remember him.

It is the one we were the best at.

I can remember so well,

Dancing with him.

When I dance,

I expect him to be there,

Because I know so well,

How he danced.

He was my encouagement,

And he was fun to dance with.

Even when both of us were tripping over our own feet,

Or doing everything completely wrong,

He promised I wasn't failing.

I remember,

Sometimes,

When we were focusing on the steps,

The teacher asked us to smile.

He,

Being him,

Obviously opened his mouth wide,

And made his face terrifying.

It was a smile,

Sort of.

The first few times,

I smiled like a normal person.

After that,

I joined him,

In scaring the class,

With a maniacal smile.

It's heartbreaking,

For me.

I know I'll never see that scary smile again.

We will never again argue over who tripped who.

I can't tell him we're off beat,

And get us back on.

I will never see his energetic,

Oddly jumpy,

Dance moves,

Or hear him complain,

Because he's terrified to do one of the dance moves.

I'll never again see him intercept,

Any,

And every piece of candy,

The teacher threw,

At students that weren't him.

I won't hear his loud,

Infectious laughter,

Or share his bright,

Infectious smile.

I'll never hear his simle words of encouragement,

Or see the focused look in his eye,

When he is concentrating hard on a move he struggled with.

There are so many things,

About him,

That I will never experience again.

I loved dance.

But I loved that classs,

Because he was in it.

It is because he has changed,

So many lives,

That we must honor him.

Ribbons tying memories,

Onto treasures instruments.

Ribbons tying bit of his soul,

Onto outselves.

We must honor the impact,

He made on everyone around him,

And the bits of himself,

He left behind.

He was too great for this world.

Maybe that,

Is why he had to go.

We must honor his greatness,

By remembering him,

And trying to live up,

To the lessons he left behind.

We must honor him,

By spreading love,

And memories,

And by reaching for the joy,

He taught us all to feel.

I want to say,

This will be a final good bye;

That I will stop obsessing over the fact,

That he is no longer here.

But I don't think I can say good bye,

To a legend.

I can't say good bye,

To the greatest person I have ever known.

So,

I guess,

This piece is another,

"Good-bye-for-now."

There will be more.

Hellos,

And more,

Good-bye-for-nows.

This is just one,

Of many.