names & permission
i hear that, when someone says my name, you can't control yourself anymore. i hope your body can't function when you ever think about me. i hope you wish you could go back and actually listen. did you know, when i hear your name, i don't lose control anymore. i used to not be able to breathe, and not because i regretted any of what i did. no, i don't think i ever will, but there are days when i overthink what i chose to do, especially when im talking with certain people. that being said, i fully realize it was what i needed for months, i was just too scared early on. i wasn't scared of you, but rather the idea of losing someone close to me, no matter how upset that someone made me. for you, however, i want you to suffer as much as i did at first. the idea of you watching me live my life while you are regretting everything you've ever done, especially to me, brings me unparalleled joy. not for Her, but for me.
i have to relearn a lot of what you took from me.
i need it back, and im not going to ask permission.