i’ve been drinking

Dear lover,

You've only been gone for a week, and in the grand scheme of things I know it isn't a lot of time - but fuck if these days don't feel like years. It's weird in this relationship of ours, how the days feel like years when you're gone, and when you're home the years feel like days as they pass. Four years feels like four days and I'm terrified of how fast it moved.

Time never stops, and it's relentless in its pursuit of something we'll never know. I just want to stop it and ask what it's looking for. What is it hurtling towards, carrying all of us with it? Why does it need to go so fast?

Doesn't it know that I want eternity with you?

A part of me believes in the continuation of lives. Of reincarnation, and souls that seem to find each other in every lifetime. I don't know if we're there, but I would like to believe it to be. What does power lie in if not our beliefs? Kingdoms have crumbled at the hands of differing beliefs - a new world was shaped in the image of our imaginations. Why can't it be so after death?

I've had a few drinks, you know what that does to me. We drank for the first time on the floor of your mom's apartment. I remember how you leaned into my shoulder and we talked about the stars - I totally forgot there was a third person in the room (sorry Destiny). You bewitched me with your unexpected softness, with your love for the universe.

I am still bewitched.

You hold my heart in your grasp, and you've been nothing but gentle to it. I love you all the more, because I forget that you hold it. Your love doesn't ache in the way great poets proclaim. No.

Your touch is so soft, I can't remember when you didn't have all of me.