Blame

I blame you every time I look in the mirror and see a stranger,

someone so broken...too broken.

I blame you every night that I lie awake wondering if I'll ever be good enough for someone,

if I'll be able to get out of bed in a few hours and put on that smile that seems so real yet is so fake,

if I'll be able to cover the bags under my eyes with enough concealer so nobody will realize how deprived of life I am.

I blame you when I meet someone, anyone, and immediately put my guard up because I can no longer trust.

I blame you for the days when I just can't speak because I don't even feel like my words are good enough.

I blame you for the days I don't eat that much because I look "fat" in my jeans,

because my stomach doesn't look good in a tank top,

because although I am "thick" my thighs are just a little too big.

I blame you for all I have been through,

but one day, i will not.

I will realize how worthy I am,

how worthy my words are,

how worthy I am to live life,

and love hard.

One day you will be nothing to me.

Nobody.

No one.