A Thief

Attention all citizens! We are all in grave danger. There have been a series of houses broken into all across the country. Every home that is broken into is losing its most important thing... The only thing that will save anyone in the coming apocalypse. Gather your children in a safe location. The person who is breaking and entering is doing it for one thing, and one thing only: your sidewalk chalk.

We have three suspects. There is a twenty-two year old man, by the name of Jeremy Remy, with a history of robbing a bank and shoplifting. We have sixty-four year old Janice Waters, the owner of a small convenience store. Her convenience store serves food, and has a history of not being up to health code. She usually sells sidewalk chalk in her store, but has been out of chalk for the past month. She also overcharges for candy bars. Our last suspect is Manny Marsh, an asylum escapee, with a love of murdering with childrens toys. We have not yet received descriptions, aside from the suspects' histories.

The police currently have all three in custody. All are being questioned. Please make sure to keep yourselves safe, citizens. We don't think the intruder will be bothered by casualties, if there are people in his way. Rest assured, citizens! We will solve this problem. If you currently own, or have ever owned, any sidewalk chalk, you may be in danger. We are not sure how much sidewalk chalk the intruder plans to steal, or why, but we will keep you updated. We will stop the theft of your most prized possesions, citizens!

Don't forget, the yearly sidewalk chalk auction next week. Gather your best, and make sure it is hidden from the intruder. We expect the intruder will turn up at the cherished event, but we will not stop a two hundred year tradition for one person. Sidewalk chalk is our country's heritage, and we will not let that go to waste. Do not fear, citizens! You will be kept safe at the event. We will catch this horrific criminal before next week's auction! That's all the news for tonight, folks!