Social Anxiety

I have it.

I knew it,

Yet I hid from the fact,

That I am prone to a panic attack.

I've had them before,

But they didn't leave me on the floor.

They just appeared, then left,

Their really is nothing to be said.

I know now, I knew for a while.

When I auditioned, that one day in class,

And all but failed singing Evermore,

That was when I knew.

Every other time I stand now, I get those same feelings,

The 'What If's flood my mind, and I'm left,

Standing in front of all my peers,

A monologue, a song, or a poem ringing in my ears.

I had memorised Evermore,

I had done it so many times before,

Yet I failed that day, in front of Him.

Yet I hold on to my embarassment.

The embarassment of having to grab lyrics,

The embarassment of starting too late on my song,

The embarassment of shaking for no reason at all.

All the while, just trying not to cry.

My brother has it, Social Anxiety.

He doesn't socialise much, but I do.

I love people, and I don't know why I panic.

I guess its natural, for someone like me.

With all my flaws,

I mean, who would like me,

Except those who share my pain?

Who would like me,

If I cried just for being called on?

Who would like me,

or even care if I just stayed in the corner for the rest of my life?

No one I like would.

Especailly not Him,

He saw me for who I really was.

For who I am.

A scared, little, broken child,

With depression and anxiety,

Just trying to make it through school.