Bravery

I am a coward. I am such a coward.

You know when people always talk about what they would do if something bad happens? Some people are more honest then others with their, “Yeah I would get out of there. I’m trying to save myself.”, while others are more concerned with their family, saying they would only save their mom or dad, kids or siblings. Then there are people like me. People that say, “I would sacrifice myself.” Do I really feel that way? I believe I do. I do love others much more than I love myself and would rather me die than everyone else.

But another point has been made. What if I sacrifice myself and it doesn’t work. Would I still be willing enough to save others if my life turned out to be a waste? Would I still be willing to throw myself in front of the barrel of the gun if it would just go through me and all the others?

Would I still be willing to bleed out on the floor, my head on the cold tile, and although I am unable to move and I struggle to breathe, I can watch others bodies absorb the bullets as they scream, the agony and fear blurring my vision and echoing in my ears? Would I still do it, knowing it was a lost cause, or would I do it, only with the comfort and satisfaction of knowing that everyone will be okay, maybe even me? Do I really care about these lives, or do I just want the fame and glory for my heroism?

My school is “due” for a school shooting. The bullying has become worse, kids have been starting fires in the bathrooms, and instead of afterschool, fighting is right out in the open, at the lunch tables, in the classrooms. Nobody cares anymore. There is something significant about this school year. So many kids are breaking down in class and people are threatening others with scarring, abuse, kidnapping, and even death.

Nobody has any love anymore. There is so much hate that one can feel when they enter the building. You can feel the anger and despair. You can feel everyone's souls dying and the love of learning be still in it's grave.

All of the phones are down today. The cameras aren’t working. None of administration can meet with each other or talk to each other via earpiece. This means that someting is going on.

Something bad.

And what did I do?

I got up. Grabbed my things, and I left.

I am a coward. I am a coward.