a short letter (to us)

to love what cannot be understood

to want what cannot be obtained

to need what cannot be kept

oh the

woe

of desire

of joy

of sadness

of solidarity,

singularity

kept pure in

physicality

held safe in

mistaken identity

he he he

not

she she she

perhaps

they

they

they

who is he

she

they

we

(woe is we)

me

not us

not him

not her

but i

but me

we? us?

(may i?)

to love what is not hated

to want what is not needed

to need what is not wanted

you

who are

you

why must

you

always

be there

“you”

always

you

you

you

so

damn

selfish

but that makes both of us

to have

you

to have

me

to make it

us

yearning

endless

pining

needless

needing

wanting

wanting

(perhaps, loving?)

two endings

two endings

always

two endings

yet all i’d

ever seen

was one

one

one

one

not

two

two

two

three

there were us three

one left

to find

his two

then it was

just

us,

too

you kept quiet.

you kept still.

i tried conversation

but you stayed mum

i tried a laugh

but you turned

you looked

away

you turned

away

away

so cold

so cold

when once your hand was warm.

don’t

hug me

you said

you looked

back

and seemed to

glare

heh.

okay,

i replied,

okay.

no contest

wonder

question

query

okay

i'm always

okay

never not fine

always

simply

okay

(it hurts)

okay

sure

fine

okay

yeah

(stop it)

nothing

to see

here

we had a talk, then

am i

making you

uncomfortable?

did i

do

anything

wrong?

scared

confused

desperate?

(why don’t you ever notice me anymore?)

i

didn’t

want

to lose

another

friend

loss

again

pain

again

and

again

and

again

(it fell in waves)

friends or

lovers

don’t need it

don’t care

just hold me

hug me

comfort me

laugh with me

smile at me

the way

you did

before

once

then

(please don’t go)

i like you

as

you

as

me

not

exclusive

not

enclosed

not just me

not just you

but

openly

openly

as a person

as a

a…

is there even a label for this?

must there be a label for this?

can’t i just

like you

as you

without

complication

strings

attached

because labels messed it up

boy

girl

other

(can’t we all just be human?)

all this effort

unfounded

wasted

it will

all be

wasted

once more

so the faster i stop the easier it’ll be.

i’ll think of

us

and then the

universe

will find a way

to make it

stop

(it’ll never happen)

there will never be an

us

the way there has never been an

us

with any of the

you’s

i’ve had

before

(just me.)